Just A Friend Of Mine
by LilyBartAndTheOthers
Summary: Sometimes, the lines between friendship and something more are a bit blurry... Or not? - Study and evolution of Jane and Maura's relation. J/M fic.
1. Prologue

_"**Since you walked in, things don't look the same**_

_** How about sticking around?"**_

**Chapter one: Prologue**

_Friendship: noun – the state of being a friend, association as friends; a friendly relation or intimacy; friendly feeling or disposition._

As she felt the singular sensation on her lips, Maura realized that it had been a while since she had worn lipstick. Sure she had used gloss – which was an essential in her basics – but lately, she had not had time for more. And even less a reason to.

_But tonight, it is going to change..._

She had met Bradley at the opening of an art gallery. Six feet two, in his early forties. No sign of any wedding ring, no children either. Anthropologist. And the most beautiful green eyes she had ever seen. Was he really material? Hard to say. If she had had to be honest, something had bothered her since the very beginning but after what had appeared as the thousandth analysis of the situation, she had had to come to the evident conclusion that she had no reason to not date him. If only once. To see.

Perfume embraced her neck delicately. She put on her stilettos – winning a few inches – and looked at herself in the mirror. Yes, she was ready.

If the evening went well, perhaps she would tell him more about herself; starting with her job. It might have sounded stupid but for the past few months, she had grown reluctant in openly saying to her dates that she was a medical examiner. It was everything but glamorous and tended to scare the person on the other side of the table.

If they just didn't call her "Miss Frankenstein" at all, in a nervous attempt to make a joke.

It was a point in common she shared with Jane; probably even the reason of their celibacy if she had to think about it. Or what else? They were young – or so – attractive, smart and funny. Their incapacity to have a long relationship was a complete mystery to most of people or at least it had to be; if it weren't for their respective jobs.

_Yes. It must be it._

The honey blonde shook her thoughts away. It was not the right time to lose herself in such wonders or she could say goodbye to her semblance of self-confidence for the rest of the evening. Then it would ruin her date and soon enough she would regret to not have stayed home to watch some documentary; wrapped up in a blanket, alone on her couch.

Jane. Suddenly, Maura thought about her friend. Where was she, right now? It was Friday night and too absorbed in the perspective of her very own date, she hadn't asked the detective if she had plans herself.

Very quickly, her brain scanned the conversations they had shared today. No. Nothing indicated that the brunette was seeing someone.

A bit distressed, Maura stepped into her kitchen and looked by the window. The guest house was in the dark as well. Angela wasn't around. _A mother/daughter evening out at the restaurant? Hmm. _She shook her head.

If Jane had got such a plan for tonight, Maura was sure that she would have heard about it. A whole series of complains and rolling eyes from the detective who would never admit – even if it were true – that she had actually enjoyed it.

An alarm on her cell phone took her out of her daydreams. Quickly, she reached for the item she had previously abandoned by the door and put an abrupt end to the melody playing. If she wanted to be on time – with the required five-minute delay – she had to leave now. Grabbing her umbrella and putting her trench coat on, Maura cast a last glance at her house before going out.

She had preferred to meet Bradley downtown instead of him picking her up at her place. Never in her right mind would she give her address on a first date. Not that it meant that she wouldn't come back a bit later with him but all in all, she preferred to not disclose the place where she lived before being sure that she wanted more from a date.

Red light. Maura stopped her car and grabbed her cell phone to compose a message. She had to. If she didn't, then it would bother her all evening long and that would ruin her date; which was the last thing she wanted to happen in the end. It had been a while since her last date. Too long if she had to be a tad honest.

"_Are you around?"_

She parked easily by the restaurant – checked herself a very last time in a mirror – and finally stepped out of her car under the thin rain of a typical Boston fall.

She had let Bradley choose the place if only to test him a little bit and see if she could check one more point on her "Perfect Date List". The anthropologist had opted for French cuisine. _See. He's just the perfect guy around. _As she entered the place, a smell of homemade bread wrapped her up. The room was cozy; elegant without being too high maintenance for a first date. Yes, she had to recognize that so far, Bradley knew about the rules of dating.

Waving nicely at him, Maura put a polite smile on her face and went to join her date. _It's going to be alright, don't be worried. He's nice. _

"I hope you haven't been waiting for me for too long..."

The five-minute delay always worked. Always. Bradley shook his head. He looked happy to finally see her there. With him. As he opened his mouth to reply, Maura felt her cell phone vibrate in her purse. A hand in the air to apologize, she grabbed the item and couldn't help but flash a bright smile that didn't pass unnoticed to the anthropologist.

"Good news?"

Not bothering to look at Bradley, Maura shook her head; shrugged. Her eyes were fixed on the screen, reading Jane's message while her brain was already formulating a reply. She wrote it – sent the missive – and put the phone down on the table; her hand over it. Waiting impatiently for the next time it would vibrate.

"Just a friend of mine..."


	2. The Right One

**Chapter two: The Right One**

_Exclusive: adj. Not allowing something else, incompatible; excluding or tending to exclude; not divided or shared with others; not accompanied by others, single or sole._

It hadn't worked out. As soon as she had seen Maura the very next morning, Jane had known that her friend's date had gone wrong. Maybe not a complete fiasco but obviously, the honey blonde knew that Bradley wouldn't call her back.

After the usual support and exaggerated speech about men, it had hit her back. For once, she had kind of assumed that it would leave her alone but in the end, it had only taken its time before spreading over her conscious to make her smile. Yes, deep inside she was happy that it had turned this way around.

She couldn't help it. As much as it went on her nerves – and made her feel slightly embarrassed – the feeling always ended up coming back. Some sort of relief; something warm. And all of a sudden, the whole tension she hadn't even noticed previously left her body.

It made her feel ashamed. How could she actually rejoice over her friend's failed date? If there was one thing she was sure about, it had to be the happiness she wished Maura.

Alone – in the long, dark hours of the night – she had tried to analyze this sentiment over and over. Of course, there was an explanation. There was always one, no mattered her Cartesian mind was a bit less developed than her friend's one. Growing out of frustration and getting tired of these repetitive insomnia, she had come to the conclusion that it was all because she knew – deep inside – that these guys weren't the right one. After all, as a detective, she could at least trust her instinct.

Oddly enough, Maura hadn't seemed to notice it; that strange reaction of hers when she learned that it wouldn't go any further than a mere dinner. A bare one date.

The medical examiner was probably too lost in her proper incomprehension to see the slightest thing, anyway. From the nervous gestures to the sudden lightness that embraced Jane's body.

If only she could have said the same about the other ones...

"What happened?"

Slightly uncomfortable, Jane shrugged at her mother's question and drowned her absence of reply in a sip of her beer. What was it that every single time Maura went on a date, her mother came for details to her and not to the concerned person in the first place? She hated talking about Maura like that; it sounded like a betrayal, somehow. As if she were talking about her friend in her back.

"Hey what I know... Go ask her. You live at her place, I don't."

Angela stopped folding some laundry and distraught, shook her head at her daughter.

"I live in her guest house."

The remark made Jane laugh although she was more annoyed by the way her mother was playing on words than anything else in the end. Jo Friday approached and settled down on her lap. Her dependance to that dog was getting bad. How had she managed to get attached to something so small? _Well, at the same time... She's the only one who never asks for any kind of explanation at all. About nothing. _Dogs were a lot less annoying than many men around.

"Still, you spend more time out there than I do."

Angela scoffed at the remark.

"Hardly."

Jane was about to reply to the odd – almost double – meaning that her mother had blurted out when she noticed the shirt Angela was holding now. Why did her mother feel the urge to come to her place and fold her very own laundry? She was thirty-six years old, for Christ's sake. She could do it herself.

The shirt was plain – purple – and rather common if it weren't for the three little buttons by the top of the shoulder. Such a small detail that brought a subtle originality to the piece of clothing.

"Since when do you wear this kind of shirts?"

Of course, the feminine attire hadn't passed unnoticed to her mother's eyes. _Stay calm. It's okay. She's not more inquisitive than the usual. Not less either, mind you. But still. Don't lose patience now. _Damn she hated losing her time in pointless explanations – that were, besides, nobody's business but hers – ad especially when there was a baseball game on television at the same time.

"It's not mine. It's Maura's. She probably forgot it here."

As she realized what she had just done, Jane let escape a frustrated groan. She knew way to well what was going to come, now. Word by word, she could have reproduced her mother's speech-to-be. Trying to focus on the game, she quietly prayed for a complete miss-out from the woman standing in her back a few feet away only.

"I don't understand... Maura is a smart, beautiful woman. And Bradley seemed so nice... Come on, why won't you tell me what she told you about him? Did something wrong happen?"

And here they were. Back at her friend's failed date. Obviously, the break hadn't lasted very long, this time. Feigning to be offended, Jane waved at the television; taping impatiently on the floor with her foot.

"Ma! The game... Please..."

Of course it turned all vain and within a few seconds, Angela was sat by her side with these eyes that said it all. She wouldn't give up until she got a proper answer. Trying her best to remain calm and – most of all – overcome that sentiment of discomfort, Jane sighed before shrugging.

"I don't know. She just told me that he hadn't sounded enthusiastic at the end of their meal. You know how Maura is... She's not the random girl next door either. So all in all, it's better like that."

Angela frowned. Obviously, her daughter's comment wasn't satisfying enough.

"What do you mean when you say that it's better like that?"

Jane took a sip of her beer but the taste had got ruined by the sudden promiscuity of the conversation. She had never liked sharing personal – emotional – conversations with her mother; about her but not only. About anyone, no mattered what. She didn't feel at ease when forced to do so.

"Because obviously, he's not the right one."

Angela scoffed; not convinced by her daughter's rather brutal – brief – reply.

"How do you know? You girls are so picky... But don't forget that you aren't getting any younger. One day you will realize that you will have missed your chances if you keep it up that way..."

Commercial break. Unless the game was over? Jane didn't know. She had lost tracks of it because of such a stupid conversation. Suddenly, her phone vibrated on the couch by her side. She grabbed it and opened the message.

"_How about a few drinks, tonight? _

_Maura"_

While she was typing a fast – affirmative – reply, Jane realized that she hadn't answered her mother. When they reached that point of a conversation, the detective usually lost herself in a whirl of mumbles and everyone let go of it. Finally. Vainly.

"Because she's my friend. Maura is my friend. I know her better than anyone else and I know who is right for her. Bradley wasn't. End of conversation. She's just... Just a friend... You know... Just a friend of mine."


	3. No Words Needed

_**Author's note: thank you very much for the kind reviews, they are always appreciated and can actually oriente - somehow - the story as well so keep them up!**_

_**...**_

**Chapter three: No Words Needed**

_Bonding: noun, The formation of a close human relationship, as between friends; the emotional and physical attachment occurring between two people._

In a perfectly confident gesture, Maura grabbed her hair in a ponytail before twirling it around to make a bun. The contrast was always startling when she did so; something about her facial features. All of a sudden, an invisible veil of sophistication embraced her whole person and truth to be told, she loved it.

Quietly – almost shyly – Jane looked up in the mirror in front of her to smile at her friend, standing in her back; a couple of hairpins in hand. They had firstly straightened her hair, which required a patience that only Maura owned for it being thick and just impossible to properly manage. Then, they had fixed it with hairspray before adding the final touch: a classic, low bun.

Elegant enough; yet not too sophisticated.

The honey blonde smiled back at the detective but remained quiet as her hands kept on working on her friend's hair. This was what Jane liked the most about their relation: they didn't need to speak. It all came up so naturally between them that she had never really got used to it. How could two people bond that well while they couldn't be more different from each other? It defied logic. But still, she gladly accepted it.

"You should wear a bun more often. It really suits you..."

Jane laughed away her friend's comment, more by automatism than anything else if she had to be a tad honest. She couldn't help it, anyway. And Maura knew it.

She had always evolved in a very masculine environment. First her brothers, then her job. Her behavior and slightly disinterest towards more women oriented activities had showed up rather logically; if only to compensate what she probably felt – deep inside – as a complex of inferiority towards all these men who had always surrounded her. _Ridiculous...! You are as good as any of them. And you know it. _

"And take the risk to lose a hairpin on a dead body while I'm leaning over to check a few things? No, thanks. I can already imagine what the guys would tell me..."

A new wave of hairspray came to caress her nape. She had never said it to anyone but she had always had a thing for the smell; so singular, enticing.

"You shouldn't pay too much attention to what others think about you. Or even less to their constant – yet a bit tiring – teasing games. Boys around a girl... It is the oldest story in the world. Ignoring them is the best decision you can take."

Maura was right. Cruelly right. But against all appearances, the detective had a lot less strength at this game than her friend had. The medical examiner seemed to have managed – over the years – to put a barrier between herself and what people thought about her. Some sort of a shield. Probably for having been hurt too many times in the past but still, at least the constant remarks she could get at work – in a very masculine environment – didn't touch her the same way at all.

And somehow, Jane envied her terribly.

Satisfied of the bun, Maura grabbed a chair and sat down by Jane's side who turned around to face her. How many times had they done that already in the past? Jane closed her eyes. More times than she could actually remember.

After a while, she had stopped complaining about it. If only because it was nothing but a lie and Maura knew it. She simply had been subtle enough to not say it out loud.

"Since you're wearing a black dress, I will go with light smoky eyes. Elegance lies in subtlety."

As she felt the brush on her eyelid, Jane moaned affirmatively to Maura's remark. She couldn't see her friend – since she had closed her eyes – yet the medical examiner's breath came by waves to caress her own lips; warmly. In all serenity.

"Yeah, I know. You say that all the time. I got it, Maur'. But don't count on me to go to the BPD with smoky eyes. This ain't a fashion show."

Maura laughed lightly. The first time she had wanted to buy makeup, she had had to go to the store by herself. The first time she had applied some, she had done it alone; her heart beating loud, her hands shaking in fear to the idea of a failed result. There had been nobody by her side. Never. At no moment. No friend, no sister, no mother. Absolutely nobody. Doing it for Jane now somehow caught up all these missed occasions that had weighed for so long on her heart.

Besides, she knew that Jane liked it too; all these moments they spent together, far from their stressing daily work life. Her friend needed them as much as she did herself; even if none of them really said it out loud in the end.

Delicately, her fingertip brushed Jane's lips in an attempt to make the lipstick line perfect. Satisfied, she sighed enthusiastically and nodded to nobody in particular but herself.

"And we're done. Do you like it?"

Jane turned back to the mirror – stood up – and observed herself with attention. A shy smile appeared on her lips but succumbing one more time to her insecurities, she simply shrugged then made a face.

"I don't know..."

Within a second, Maura turned livid; anxious. Twisting her hands nervously and biting her lower lip, she avoided her friend's gaze.

"You don't like it?"

Immediately, Jane realized how tactless her remark had been and nodded vehemently; trying to ignore the heat that was rushing up her cheeks. Why oh why did these "things" make her feel so uncomfortable?

"Oh, no! It's not what I mean. You did an amazing job. It's just... I don't know... A dress; and stilettos..."

Without waiting for more, Maura stood up – placed herself behind Jane – and put her hands on the detective's hips rather firmly before plunging her eyes in her friend's.

"You're gorgeous. And don't even try to think the exact opposite. When he sees you, John won't have a choice but to assume that you are the most beautiful woman around. And if he doesn't... Then don't lose your time with him."

A the mention of her date, Jane smiled; a bit nervous. She still wasn't convinced this evening was such a good idea but in all honesty, she had liked John the first time they had met at the gym. He seemed to be funny; and kind. _So why not giving him a chance?_

Nodding at Maura, she finally grabbed her purse – cast a last glance at her friend – then left her own apartment for her evening date. As planned, John was waiting by the stairs leading to her building.

"Good evening, Detective... You're very elegant; gorgeous."

Politely, Jane smiled back at the compliment then shrugged it away.

"All the credit goes to Maura. Really."

They stepped in John's car. The man started the engine.

"Who?"

Subconsciously, Jane looked up at the windows of her apartment as they left the street.

"Maura. Maura is my friend."

A slight wave of panic spread over Jane as she realized the emphasis she had put on 'my'. _Damn that was a bit territorial. Keep it down. You're gonna scare him, idiot! _Mumbling – looking desperately by the window – she cleared her voice and tried to sound casual.

"I mean... Maura is a friend. Just a friend of mine."


	4. About Being Exclusive

**Chapter four: About Being Exclusive**

_Chemistry: noun. Mutual attraction or sympathy; rapport; a reaction, taken to be instinctual, between two persons; sympathetic understanding; sexual attraction._

Sat on the armchair by the fireplace, Jane hardly restrained a laugh as she opened the first page of the photo album. She knew way too well what would happen next if she dared to speak out loud but at the same time, it was too big to let go of it like that.

"Wow, Maur'... I didn't know you had had your Farrah Fawcett period."

Immediately, the honey blonde looked up – stopping halfway in the preparation of a roasted chicken – and gasped as she understood her friend's allusion. Within a few seconds, Maura ran to the armchair, jumping literally on Jane to grab and confiscate the photo album that the detective had found.

"How did you dare! … This... This is personal belonging, Jane! My old photo albums are... Give it back to me immediately!"

The brunette couldn't help but laugh – passing the photo album from one side to another – avoiding easily the medical examiner's attempts to get it back; no mattered Maura was literally straddling her lap, now.

From the kitchen counter, Angela looked at them both argue, a soft smile on her lips. If her divorce had been a tough patch in her life, she was nonetheless happy about the way things had worked out. Moving in Maura's guest house had been surprisingly comforting and relieving. At times, she had the feeling that it brought her back to these moments she had missed so much once all her children had left the house.

"Oh come on, Maur'... You were cute!"

The doorbell rang. Drying her hands on a tea towel nearby, Angela headed to the door peacefully; with an eye on both women still fighting. Suddenly, Maura's elbow hit Jane's cheekbone which made her let go of the photo album. Before a mortified medical examiner, it landed on the floor and ceased to be a priority. How many times in the past had Angela witnessed such a scene? She couldn't help but rolling her eyes.

"Jane Clementine Rizzoli... One more time, you're going to look like Elephant Man."

Ice. She needed to apply ice on Jane's cheekbone before it to get swollen and adopt a terrible purple shade. Barely waving at Tommy and Frankie as they came in, Maura rushed to the kitchen – grabbed some ice from her freezer – and ran back to her friend who looked a bit distraught.

"I'm so sorry."

With all the delicacy in the world, Maura brushed her friend's slightly red skin. The cold contact made Jane jump but needless to say that she wasn't angry. On the contrary, an amused smile kept on playing on her lips.

"I didn't know you wanted to disfigure me as my little brothers tried to when we were kids."

The honey blonde pressed the ice firmly; plunged her eyes in her friend's. Their faces were only a few inches apart, now. As if she were trying to memorize the slightest nuance of Jane's pupils, Maura didn't move – didn't say a word. Her gaze – as deep as it was – didn't reflect much of her inner thoughts.

Jane didn't mind. This was something she had learned about Maura. Sometimes, the medical examiner seemed to lose herself in contemplation. The art of observing people's features. Who knew what kind of conclusions she came to; what such activity brought her on a personal plan.

"Hey, the Siamese twins! You'd mind coming to the table, now? Dinner's ready."

Maura blushed and looked down, suddenly realizing that she had sat back on Jane's lap in what could appear as a controversial position for people who would have missed the previous events.

She knew that Tommy only joked when he used to call them like that yet it made her feel uncomfortable. It didn't sound right.

It didn't sound right at all.

"We aren't Siamese!"

Jane's offended reply made her brother laugh. Actually, nobody but Maura and her seemed convinced by what she had just said. Awkwardly, she went to sit at the table with the rest of the family.

"You're always together like you're inseparable or something. Exclusive. Small wonder why you're still single!"

Angela slapped Tommy's head lightly and all of a sudden, the conversation took another direction. A way lighter one. Almost as if nothing had happened.

Alone in her wonders, Maura played along and kept on smiling – conversing with everyone around; yet with the phantom of her friend's brother's words floating in her head. Oppressively.

Tommy wasn't the first person who had advanced such an idea. What if he were right? Was she really an obstacle to Jane's sentimental life? Doubts invaded her, slightly darkening the rest of the evening.

Later – as she turned down the light of her bedroom – the blonde crossed her arms around her chest and stared at the ceiling for long seconds.

"Do you think that we are exclusive?"

Her question had come up softly, slightly lost in a whirl of uncertainty. From her side of the bed, Jane turned her head to look at her friend in the dark.

"What? Tommy is an idiot. He's never had a real friend so he doesn't know how it is. Don't be worried."

If she had to be honest, Maura herself didn't have much experience on that field. Jane was probably the first and only friend she would ever have. And she owed her so many things. _Maybe too many, as a matter of fact._

"Yet you are single..."

Jane scoffed, moved around; the sheet rustling under her gesture.

"So are you and what? Honestly, I prefer to be single and with you than involved in a relationship with some poor guy."

The remark didn't reassure much but made her smile softly. Perhaps she shouldn't analyze things as she was right now. She had always had a hard time letting go of everything; letting herself get carried away by the passing of time.

"Maur'... There are shiny things on your ceiling or I had too much wine?"

This time around, the honey blonde laughed frankly in the darkness of her room. Little by little, her eyes had got used to the lack of light and she could guess her friend's figure by her side.

She shrugged then rose a finger in the air.

"It's the Milky Way! Don't you recognize Ursa Major by there? Also known as the Great Bear. I bought the fluorescent stickers a few days ago at a specialized store downtown. So even when it's cloudy outside, I still have a chance to fall asleep under the stars..."

Long seconds passed by during which none of them spoke. As usual in these moments, it made Maura grow uncomfortable; afraid to have made a fool of herself with such confession.

She just had no hold over the things she said. She had never had, actually. She lost herself in honesty and suddenly found herself feeling incredibly stupid; lonely.

Jane finally broke the silence, her hoarse voice filling the room with warmth.

"Maura Isles, you are the biggest nerd I have ever met in my life... Yet I love the idea. It's the coolest thing around."

Relieved, the honey blonde turned around and rested her head on her friend's shoulder. _If only you could just let go of everything. For once... Stop torturing yourself with dead-end wonders. And enjoy the present time. Jane's just a friend. _

Maura closed her eyes and rocked herself to sleep.

_Just a friend of mine..._


	5. About Leading Her Life

**Chapter five: Leading Her Life**

_Inseparable: adj. Impossible to separate or part; very closely associated, constant; incapable of being separated._

The first drops slid along her spine before vanishing in the curves of her lower back, the warmth of the water embracing her peacefully. She heard the bathroom door get closed somewhere in the background and closed her eyes. Abandoning herself to the relieving sensations of the shower. With the confidence that only daily gestures could bring, she grabbed the bottle of shampoo without opening her eyes back and began to wash her hair.

She had always preferred to run in the morning – the activity usually waking her up little by little as she passed the streets – but lately her work schedule had drastically changed her plans and she couldn't but go and jog in the evening. Somehow, she liked the way it relieved the pressure accumulated during the day and left her more aware of her surrounding by then but she felt exhausted afterward when Jane didn't seem bothered the least.

The rest of the evening would be smooth, quiet. As it often turned out, they would order a pizza then go and walk Jo Friday before coming back to the detective's apartment. Then she would go back herself to her own place or just spend the night.

Maura stepped out of the shower and grabbed a towel. Her friend's bathroom was surely smaller than hers but she had got used to it with the passing of time. Jane's place was her second home.

Literally.

From a few clothes to a couple of products and pairs of shoes, signs of the honey blonde's presence around the apartment were undeniable; just like Jane at her own house. It came in handy at times.

Maura was finishing to get dressed when her friend's voice resounded muffled on the other side of the door. Had the pizza got delivered yet? Fancying a glass of wine – well deserved after the jog efforts – she stepped out of the bathroom and confidently walked to Jane who was standing by the opened main door.

Except it wasn't a delivery guy the brunette had been talking to. Instead, Maura came face-to-face with John. She had only seen him once – Jane had barely evoked their date – and if she had had to be honest, the medical examiner had rather naturally forgotten to the man's existence until now; assuming that her friend had decided to not see him again. _Wrong assumption, obviously._

"Oh... Dr Isles?"

John looked utterly surprised to see her there at this hour of the evening but soon enough, he tended his hand to the blonde who shook it politely.

"John was around and decided to stop by to see if I was here but... I was telling him that we already..."

Very quickly, Maura turned around to look at Jane who seemed to have grown rather uncomfortable. _Let her go. Come on, let her go out with him._

Shaking her head at her friend, the honey blonde smiled brightly; shrugging away the rest of the long and awkward sentence Jane was trying to come up with.

"Oh, please. Just go. It's all fine. I'll walk Jo Friday then drive back home. I'm sure John has a lot more thrilling plans to offer you than I do."

A few more insistent gazes from Maura and Jane found herself grabbing her wallet - along with her phone - before closing back the door behind her.

_And there she left... _The honey blonde stared absent-mindedly at the door until something brushed her naked ankle and made her jump. _Oh, Jo Friday! _Picking up the dog in her arms, she went to sit on the couch. Jane had poured her a glass of wine before probably abandoning the bottle on the coffee table to go and open the door. Maura bent over – grabbed the drink – then suddenly realized that her hair was still up in a towel. Mortified before the idea that John had seen her in such attire – and makeup-less – she shamefully looked down at the dog who had settled on her lap.

"So it's just you and me, right?"

Her hand went through the fur of the dog as the rhetorical question hit the air under a tone of deception. Not that she wasn't happy for Jane – nor for John's nice intentions – but she had always hated being left aside; alone. As much as this was probably the feeling she was the most used to in the end. _Why does it always have to end up like that? _

As she had assumed, Bradley hadn't called her back. Sure, she could have tried herself but something had prevented her from doing so. Some sort of feeling; not fear but tiredness. As if she had had her time to try and before the absence of success she preferred to give up now. Unlike the others, perhaps she wasn't made to live with someone else.

In a gesture of frustration, she pulled on her towel and released her hair. The honey blond flocks – still wet – rolled down her shoulders in a complete mess.

_You could at least be happy for Jane... What a selfish friend you are! _Sipping on her wine, she grabbed the remote control and turned the television on. Was it the way her life would look like, now? Alone in the evening – watching the news – with a drink in hand and a dog by her side? She was thirty-six years old. Without sounding harsh to herself, Maura knew that it was already too late. For so many things.

But she hadn't been ready. She still wasn't. The mere important decisions about life changing facts took days of self-analysis and only ended up stuck in doubts. It hadn't always been like that. At some point in her life, she had been able to make choices; and very easily. If sentimentally she had insecurities, the rest of her personality lied in a strong self-confidence that emanated within her slightest act.

But suddenly, it had ceased to be that way and she had found herself lost among quiet regrets. Uncertainty.

Her whole world had been turned upside down the day she had met Jane; except she was too coward and scared to admit it to herself, if only in her head. Maura took another sip of wine.

_Don't be stupid. Jane is just a friend._

"Just a friend of mine."

Her lips moved in silence as the words twirled invisibly around.


	6. Subfamilies

**Chapter six: Subfamilies**

_Relationship: noun. A particular type of connection existing between people related to or having to deal with each other; a romantic or sexual involvement. _

"Species from the Anatidae family require slow, peaceful movements. You are only going to scare them if you keep on throwing your bread at them with such violence."

Hand in the air, Jane turned around. A woman in her seventies was standing by the bench she had sat on and looked at her with this expression of reproach she had seen way too many times in the past.

From too many people around.

"The what?"

Matter-of-factly, her interlocutor motioned at the pond in front of her before shrugging as if she could hardly make her speech clearer.

"The ducks, honey. They belong to the Anatidae family that is itself divided in different subfamilies."

_What is it that I get to attract Grandma Maura, now? _Forcing a smile, Jane turned back to the pond and looked at the ducks that had regrouped close to her.

"My gestures are harmless."

To prove it, she threw a piece of bread at them but didn't aim properly. The small bit landed on one of the ducks' head. Jane made a face and tried to ignore the woman's laugh in her back.

She had come to the park in the hope to get some peace and rest from the police department. Then she would – perhaps – manage to see things clear and everything would be perfect again. Except so far, her gestures had only highlighted the accumulation of frustration that had been boiling in her veins for a little while. _To the point strangers notice it. Sad, Rizzoli. Really._

It was just that nothing really seemed to work out, lately. All the elements were there for her to be the happiest person on Earth but the sentiment of joy only floated around her without ever reaching her properly. And it drove her crazy.

"You should hit the gym if you have tension to release. These poor ducks have done nothing to you."

Third date with John – a couple of kisses – and still nothing. Nothing at all. As if she were just empty; unable to feel the slightest thing for a kind, smart and good-looking man. Deep inside, she didn't even feel like being his friend. Her response to his attentions were the terrible reflect of a pure emptiness.

"Yeah, yeah..."

Indirectly, she had talked about it to Maura but the honey blonde hadn't seemed too worried about it. On the contrary, she had simply suggested her to try a bit more; to give John the chance he deserved. Fair advice until the medical examiner had – one more time – come up with the most unexpected fact ever.

"_And if you're still not satisfied in a while, why not trying to go out with a woman?"_

Her first reaction – or better said her second one after choking on her coffee – had been to laugh out loud at Maura's words. As usual, the blonde had blurted it out randomly; with this rationalism she tended to divide facts of life with.

"_What? Speak for yourself!"_

Jane's reply had been lame but every time her friend took her aback like that, she was sure to lose the game. Maura owned some sort of a carefree attitude that she didn't have.

The only subject that made her feel uncomfortable being her past.

"_Oh, I have."_

That time, she hadn't known what to reply. Not that she really minded about such confession that - for Maura - hadn't even seemed to be one but it had nonetheless surprised her. Yet retrospectively, it didn't that much.

Maura had dated women and so what?

_It doesn't change much about your own case. _Running out of bread, Jane settled back on the bench and observed the green land spreading in front of her. It was a beautiful day for October, warm. A couple – hand in hand – passed by her side. By automatism she focused on the way their hands only formed one. Perfectly. Naturally.

This was all what anyone on Earth wanted; herself included. Yet she couldn't imagine it to happen with John nor any of the men she had once dated.

A well-known-melody took her out of her dead-end thoughts. Grabbing her phone, Jane closed her eyes and took a deep breath in the hope to sound casual; far from the tormented state she had lost herself in.

"I will be there within ten minutes. Are you around?"

Maura's voice suddenly filled the air and against all expectations, the detective smiled. Being alone had not really helped her. Hearing her friend was a nice consolation.

"Yeah, I'll be there in five."

Usually, Jane would have been extremely reluctant to go shopping – or at least she would have said so – but the more she thought about it, the more she liked Maura's invitation to that white dinner for the weekend. A couple of days out of Boston would be welcome; no mattered it meant meeting the honey blonde's singular relatives.

Actually, even this point could turn out to be rather funny. Or at least experimental.

The brunette stood up slowly and looked around her. The couple had settled down on the next bench; quietly and so close to each other. Had she ever lived that once? With someone?

Slightly distraught, she shook her head then headed towards the gates. She needed a white dress; and obviously Maura by her side to choose it. Perhaps a few hours in the superficial world of shopping was all she needed in the end. If only to forget all the rest.

As she left behind the quietness of the park, an odd sensation wrapped her up; carried away by the traffic noise. Something was wrong but she didn't know what.

Maura was waiting for her at the corner of the block. Just as planned. Sunglasses on – two coffees in hand – and that bright smile that always warmed up Jane's heart.

_She dates – or dated? - women._

"You went to the park?"

Before her friend's perplexity, the detective only nodded and gladly accepted the beverage. If she told Maura that she had gone to feed the ducks, she was sure that the honey blonde would laugh at her. _Who wouldn't?_

The medical examiner didn't seem to care much anyway and passing her arm under her friend's, she took her towards a few boutiques she had in mind.

"Knee-length white dress. Your legs are thin and long enough to avoid the usual ankle-length ones. Then of course, you will need stilettos. I know that you don't own a pair of white ones. As much as it is a must-have."

Jane laughed lightly. Yes, this was exactly what she needed: an afternoon with Maura, far from the BPD and its heavy routine. _Just that. An afternoon with... Just a friend of mine._


	7. A Delicate Balance

**Chapter seven: A Delicate Balance**

_Affinity: noun. A natural attraction, liking, or feeling of kinship; relationship by marriage; an inherent similarity between persons or things; a natural liking, taste, or inclination towards a person._

She hadn't planned on stopping by to buy wine but a couple of extra bottles always came in handy. As she had learned as a young adult, running out of _Cabernet _was one terrible mistake, if only because one never knew how an evening could turn out. Or even a day, as she would realize it herself soon.

The main reason that had pushed her to go shopping during her break had been Jane. Not that the detective had asked for anything but since she had accepted to accompany her for the weekend, Maura had just assumed that it was fair enough to offer a thank-you present to her friend. As a matter of fact, the few days they would spend together were a good excuse for her to get Jane something the brunette had liked.

Holding firmly a deep blue shopping bag that contained the Milky Way fluorescent stickers, the honey blonde headed lightly to the cashier; two bottles of wine under the arm. She had just passed the bakery corner when a well-known face made her smile and stop. John was standing there in an alley; a few items in hand. Amused by the coincidence, Maura walked towards him but slowed down as she noticed he was on the phone; turning his back at her. Obviously, it wasn't polite to interrupt someone even if to say hi.

The medical examiner was politely waiting for the right moment to notify her presence when suddenly John mentioned Jane. Automatically, Maura's curiosity got picked.

She knew that Jane and him had gone on a few dates already and even if the brunette kept on playing it hard, it was obvious she liked him. A lot. _If not me then at least her. She deserves someone._

"You want me to come with Jane? Hmm I don't know... We haven't reached this stage yet and honestly, I'm not sure we will ever reach it... No, it's not that... It's just, you know... She's nice and attractive but the relation she has with her "best friend" as she calls her is a tad odd to me... All the time together like that... It's okay when you're 12 but at their age, it's rather unhealthy. Borderline."

It hit her like a ton of bricks. An icy sensation suddenly passed underneath her skin before running fast through her veins; spreading uncomfortably over her heart. Shaking, Maura turned around – began to walk away – and bumped into someone. She mumbled incomprehensible apologies before abandoning the bottles of wine in a corner and rushing out of the supermarket.

She was mortified. But the sentiment of shame didn't last and melted soon in something deeper; darker. By the time she reached her car and drove off, the honey blonde felt completely empty in the inside.

Quietly, she didn't lose her time in the hall entrance of the BPD and headed straight back to her office. She needed calm, a room where she could analyze things without fearing anyone's gaze on her. Where the sentiment of guilt that had ended up invading her would pass unnoticed.

Face in her hands, Maura closed her eyes once she settled on her armchair. _Breathe. Slowly. _

What was it that every time things seemed to be going fine, an element came in to make it all tip over and she found herself helpless before what looked like a mountain of doubts? Biting her lip, the honey blonde restrained a moan and swallowed back a wave of tears. She had felt it. As much as others didn't say it out loud, she had felt how her singular affinity to Jane was getting effects on the detective's life.

Ignoring it was a lie. A vain lie.

Someone clearing his voice a few steps away made her jump. Immediately, Maura looked up and forced one of her bright smiles she had learned to adopt under any circumstances; no mattered what.

"Detective Frost... What can I do for you?"

Shyly, the young man entered her office and stopped by her desk. Passing his fingers over the oak, he frowned and intended a pale smile.

"Are you alright, Dr Isles? You look... Distraught."

Maura nodded reassuringly – as much as she could – to Jane's colleague before rolling her eyes in a gesture she hoped casual, not too artificial.

"Don't be worried. I'm going to do just fine. So... What are you doing here?"

Detective Frost rarely came down to the morgue, if only because his relation to dead bodies was still a bit precarious. Like many others, he preferred the world from up there: bright, noisy. Alive. Bare and mean, according to Maura. _At least the dead respect you for who you are._

"Cavanaugh would like your autopsy report on the Johnson case. Big people are stopping by for a visit and he wants to show them what we've done lately. For some reason, nobody up there can find back the copy of it."

The medical examiner nodded – stood up – and went to a file holder by a pile of large books. She found it immediately and tended it to the detective.

"How come the copy has disappeared? This isn't very professional."

The young policeman shrugged but didn't seem too worried. One of his colleagues had probably got a hand on it before the trial if only to study one more time the case in detail. It happened, at times.

"No idea! But I'm sure it'll reappear just in time... Creepy case, hmm?"

Maura smiled at his efforts to make conversation. She knew how Frost simply hated being there; how the fact of coming down to the morgue was, for him, a pure nightmare. She nodded politely then crossed her arms against her chest; almost protectively.

"Do you think the notion of friendship is an obstacle to one's love life?"

It hadn't hit her until now; these gloomy similarities between the case and what she was going through with Jane. A woman had murdered her best friend because she had got married while she had stayed single. Coldly. Stabbing her heart a dozen times. A pure act of jealousy.

Maura's question took the policeman aback. Obviously, he hadn't expected her to go deep – symbolical – on the subject. Dancing on his feet nervously, Frost shrugged.

"I guess real friends want nothing but the best for each other. I hardly see it as an obstacle. If it turns this way then I suppose these friends should reconsider the real nature of their relation. A friendship shouldn't do harm to anyone."

Maura nodded slowly. He was right. Desperately right. _As cold and bare as the truth can be so now go and relax, Maura... _

Detective Frost left and the honey blonde faced back the emptiness of her office; its bare quietness. She took a deep breath and let herself fall down on the couch.

_I would never do any harm to Jane. She's too important for me. We're just friends. Just that. She's... Just a friend of mine._


	8. To Feel Light

**Chapter eight: To Feel Light**

_Reciprocity: noun. A reciprocal condition or relationship; reciprocation, mutual exchange; a mutual exchange of commercial or other privileges._

"Would you excuse me..."

Politely, Jane abandoned "Uncle Charles" - as the man had introduced himself long minutes ago – and stepped out on the front terrace of the mansion. She had never imagined that Maura's relatives could be so talkative; even less than they would be so eager to know who she was. But in complete honesty, she had been enjoying the evening. Social barriers had fallen down rather easily to engage in conversations she hadn't regretted the slightest beat.

Jane nodded to nobody in particular but to herself. Yes. This weekend out of Boston sounded promising enough.

_Now where the hell is Maura? _Scanning the immense garden now plunged in the dark, Jane frowned. It wasn't that she had to remain glued to her friend all along these two days but she hadn't seen the honey blonde for quite a while and was starting to wonder what had happened of her.

The drive to the mansion had been tensed. In spite of the light attitude of the medical examiner, it had been easy for Jane to understand that it was only a facade. Obviously, Maura was nervous before the perspective of spending some time with her relatives. Understandable. She hardly saw them twice a year and considered them as family for administrative reasons only.

"Excuse me... Have you seen Maura?"

A woman in her forties stared at Jane with perplexity before finally nodding. With nonchalance, she motioned at a path a bit further.

"She took this direction ten minutes ago or so with a bottle of champagne and a pack of cigarettes."

Jane opened her mouth to reply and advance the fact there must have been a mistake regarding the person she was looking for but suddenly remembered that the honey blonde had told her that she was the only one in her family - still alive – whose name was Maura.

Slightly confused, she thanked the woman and headed nonetheless towards the indicated path. After all, she still could check since she hadn't seen her friend in the large reception hall a couple of minutes earlier.

The brouhaha soon disappeared behind the bushes and the trees as Jane went further down the path; as if nature was suddenly taking back control of everything. Abruptly. Almost coldly. With that strength we tend to forget a bit too easily.

She had been walking for a few minutes when big spotlights blinded her. A bright light coming through weeping-willows and the delicate murmur of running water. Jane took a few more steps.

Maura was there.

The honey blonde had sat down in the grass and taken her shoes off – her feet plunged in the water of the swimming-pool – with a half-empty bottle of Champagne by her side. She was alone, staring up at the stars. Cigarette in hand.

"Since when do you smoke?"

Calmly – as if she had noticed the detective's presence opposite the pool even before Jane had spoken – Maura abandoned the contemplation of the sky and looked down at her friend with a sheepish smile.

A flash of provocation lit up her eyes as she dragged the cigarette to her lips before playing with the smoke and forming little circles in the air of the night.

"I f-... Feel light..."

Jane restrained a laugh. Maura was slurring her words. Literally. Was she drunk? Now that was something she had never seen and even less expected. Amused, she slowly approached her friend.

"Are we a bit tipsy, Dr Isles?"

Maura stood up. Her balance couldn't have been more precarious. A bit worried, Jane kept an eye on the proximity with the swimming-pool. Her friend could slide, fall down then bump her head against the tiles. Especially with the amount of alcohol that seemed to be running through her veins.

"Now let's just fly!"

In a fluid movement, the medical examiner turned her back at the pool – opened her arms widely – and let herself fall backwards. Jane restrained a scream; her hand up in the air as if to stop her. But the blonde landed in the water – came back to the surface within seconds – and began to float, laid on her back.

"Maura, what the hell? Come over here. You're gonna get cold."

Slowly but now laughing hysterically, the blonde reached the edge of the swimming-pool and let her friend help her to get out of the water.

Once she settled back on the grass, Maura plunged her eyes in the detective's. A smirk embraced her lips.

"I need t-... To work on taking off."

Jane held her firmly then put her back on her feet. She was soaked wet, her white dress now a mere – transparent – veil that molded her body suggestively.

"Okay. Party's over. Now let's go back to our room."

It took Jane patience – strength – and determination to reach the second floor of the mansion without a single person crossing their path. Maura was utterly drunk and the brunette wasn't sure that it would have been a good idea for her friend's relatives to see her like this.

Closing the door of their bedroom behind her, she dragged the honey blonde close to the bed and did her best to not lose her patience undressing her. But the medical examiner kept on dancing on her feet; her body as floppy as a rag doll.

"Damn, Maur'... You aren't helping."

Once she got her friend in her underwear, Jane sat her down on the bed and rushed to the suitcase that Maura hadn't taken time to unpack. She grabbed a pair of silky pajamas and headed back to Maura. The blonde had laid down on her back – obviously quite unaware of her semi-nudity – and was humming a song that Jane couldn't recognize at all.

"Come on. You gotta put these on, now."

As Maura let her do, the humming became louder and soon the honey blonde found herself singing an old tune from the sixties; slightly dancing to the music probably playing in her head at the same time.

The top finally buttoned up, Jane knelt down to find herself at her friend's level who was still sat on the bed. Worried, she grabbed Maura's face with her hands before plunging inquisitive eyes in the blonde's.

"What happened that you felt the urge to drink so much? And smoke..."

It hadn't been a reproach but a confused, worried whisper; her hoarse voice asking quietly for any kind of explanation. Maura's index crashed on her throat as the blonde suddenly pointed out at her.

"Y-... You... I... I l-... I like you."

The brunette began to roll her eyes but froze within a second as she suddenly felt Maura's lips on hers. Without really understanding anything, Jane fell down on the floor; straddled by the honey blonde who had followed in the movement and was now kissing her hard.

It is only when she felt her friend's tongue caress her lips that the detective reacted. Grabbing the honey blonde's wrists, she pushed her away then settled her back on the bed; a mountain of pillows under the head.

Within three steps she made it to the bathroom – shakingly filled a glass of water, careful to avoid her own reflection in the mirror – and went back to the bed where Maura had curled up. Small noises came from her; strangely close to sobs.

"Drink a little, Maura."

But the medical examiner shook her head, carried away by a confused speech; slurred murmurs losing themselves in the quietness of the bedroom as she was slowly dozing off. Echoing a silence that suddenly began to weigh a lot.

"... Just like Emily... B-... Broke m-... Heart... Y-... You... N-... Not Emily. Y-... Don't d-... Do that... Y-... You... J-... I... Don't want... Just a friend... J-... Just a friend of mine."


	9. Through Half-Words

**Chapter nine: Through Half-words**

_Dependence: noun. The state of being dependent, as for support; subordination to someone needed or greatly desired; the state of being determined, influenced or controlled by something else; a chronic or compulsive need, an addiction._

Running had always helped her to channel this amount of energy that boiled within her veins; deep inside her body. She didn't really think by then, just let her feet swallow the asphalt and the miles faded away until her legs began to sore. At this exact moment – and if everything had worked out properly - the electric sensation of frustration had diminished drastically and she could finally face facts calmly.

Or just ignore them.

At times, Jane Rizzoli was just better at pretending that nothing was really worth a thought. Especially these loud wonders that kept on stealing her nights with an ineluctable regularity.

An empty bed welcomed her as she came back from her jog and passed the door of their room. After the odd events of the previous evening, her night had been quite short. Unable to properly fall asleep, she had let the hours fly away before finally sneaking out for an early run through the immense garden she could actually know consider as a park.

As much as she had crossed a few other joggers – faces she had recognized from the dinner – she had politely smiled but preferred to keep on running alone. Too tormented, she hadn't been in the mood for a chat.

"_You will find me in the library; first floor, on your right._

_Emmanuel will probably play the piano out there._

_Maura"_

A bit nervously, Jane tapped on the note scotched to the bathroom door – let a few seconds fly by – and took it off before throwing it in the paper basket by the desk.

She needed a shower. Not only because she had been running for the past two hours but if only to push back the moment she would have to face her friend. In all honesty, she didn't know what to say, where to start. She had never seen the honey blonde in such wasted state like the previous night. And it didn't take long to understand that something laid behind all that.

The only thing the detective was sure of was that Maura was her friend – the person who counted the most to her eyes – and if she were distressed, then Jane had to help her. No mattered what nor how.

…

Chopin. Slightly laid down on the sofa that faced the fireplace, Maura closed her eyes and let the notes warm up her heart; sooth her headache. As planned, she had found one of her cousins' son in the library by the piano; letting his hands brush the black and white keys softly.

This was the only point in common she shared with her family: the lack of spontaneity, of surprise. She liked – needed – schedules and precise plans to feel fine and secured. Her cousins were alike; repeating the same gestures year after year in a comforting routine. Slightly melancholic. But when it came to the rest, it was undeniable that she was adopted.

It didn't have much to do with the looks but their temper; the way their existences had developed. They were all getting married – having children – while like the black swan among the pure white ones, she remained desperately single. Childless.

She could have said that it didn't mean much – that, one day, she would come back here with someone by her side and a wedding band on her finger – but she had never said so if only because deep inside, it was clear that it would never happen. She wasn't made for marriage. She wasn't made to have children.

"How are you feeling?"

A large smile embraced her lips as she heard the hoarse voice on her left. Jane settled down against her; in the same semi-laid down position. But Maura's eyes remained fixed on the flames, following the fluidity of the fire in its peculiar ballet.

"I might have known better days..."

Somehow, Jane had managed to slide herself behind Maura – her body pressed against her friend's back – and was now holding her tight. The medical examiner loved when the brunette let her softer side get a hold over the rest. It was rare – a perfect moment of calm – when she had the feeling to finally have the privilege to get to see who the detective really was in the end.

Most of the times, Jane played with appearances. It hadn't taken long for Maura to figure it out.

"Perhaps for your next dinner, you will remember to only have a couple of glasses. Not the whole bottle, you know."

The honey blonde made a face but laughed lightly. For long seconds, she remained quiet – listening to the melody of the piano in the background. It was a lovely morning. Serene.

"I hope that I didn't make a fool of myself!"

Not really surprised by the fact her friend couldn't remember much of what had happened the previous night, Jane cleared her voice; shook her head. Obviously, it was better to not mention the pool incident and even less what had happened next in their bedroom. The detective knew the blonde well. If she told her about all of this, Maura would freak out and drive off to lock herself back in her Boston house. If she just didn't die of hyperventilation before.

"What happened though that you decided to get drunk?"

The blonde sighed loudly – slowly – and raised a defeated eyebrow. The flames were hypnotizing, in a soothing way.

"Who wouldn't during a nightmarish family reunion?"

Jane laughed away her friend's reply. Her leg slid over Maura's; almost protectively. Subconsciously.

"You had an argument with someone, last night?"

Suddenly, the piano stopped. Emmanuel stood up and left the room without a word. He had never been very talkative, even as a child. Maura reminded him alone under an old tree while his cousins were playing around. He might have found in music the language he had initially missed.

"No... But you know how it is: work, family... At some point, you let go of everything."

The brunette frowned. If over the years she had seen many policemen and medical examiners plunge in the vapors of alcohol to forget about the tough situations they had to face, Maura had always seemed to be balanced and strong enough to not be part of them. But the sudden confession had got her worried, to say the least.

"Maur', is everything okay?"

The medical examiner stretched out her legs and arms – let a loud, relaxed sigh come out – before an enthusiastic nod appeared on her features.

"I might just have been a little tired. There's nothing to worry about, Jane. Really."

The detective wasn't convinced. Unless she just felt terribly guilty; ashamed. Lately, she had focused on her very own little life and so-called existential problems – starting with John – to the point she had a tad forgotten about the person who had the most importance to her eyes. And it turned out that Maura wasn't fine. The honey blonde had been standing there in front her eyes and she had been too blind to see the slightest thing.

"Who is Emily?"

Maura stiffened and suddenly leaned up on her elbow to plunge terrified eyes in Jane's ones. A wave of panic had spread over her face, deepening her features.

"Alright, now tell me what I said and did yesterday."

Realizing that she shouldn't have asked such question, Jane shrugged and shook her head casually; as if it didn't matter much.

"Nothing, really. I swear it. But as you were dozing off, you alluded to some girl named Emily... Hey, it's all cool. Maur'... Nobody died. Calm down."

Slowly, the medical examiner settled back to her original position. Her tense body had a hard time to relax nonetheless and it took her a while to be able to speak again. Her soft voice sounding matter-of-factly.

"Sometimes, we hope to get more from some people than we will ever get. Emily was part of them... An old story; not really worth a mention, now. She was just a friend. And yet... Not that much in the end... Just a friend of mine."


	10. Always The Same

**Chapter ten: Always The Same**

_Innate: adj. Possessed as an essential characteristic, inherent; of or produced by the mind rather than learned through experience; instinctive, not learned._

"Will I get pictures?"

Jane turned around. Her mother was holding the white dress she had worn for the weekend, with some melancholy in her gaze. Angela knew her daughter well enough to be certain that she would never see her in it any other way around.

"Ma', it wasn't a wedding. Just a family reunion, which means no pictures."

Angela pouted before abandoning back on the chair the piece of clothing. It was a beautiful dress, even Jane had to recognize it. Rather classic but simple enough to nonetheless make her look elegant with an ounce of mystery that usually came from Maura and Maura only. Not that she would put it again but if she had to be honest, the brunette had to confess that she found it pretty.

"A wedding... Let's talk about weddings. And grandchildren. When will you start thinking about me?"

And here they were again. Of course. The detective rolled her eyes then headed to the kitchen to grab a beer. Obviously, she would never learn. At almost thirty-seven years old, she still managed to fall in the biggest trap ever when talking to her mother. Bottle in hand, she went to lean against the window of her living-room; looked down at the street absent-mindedly.

She had never been so unhappy to come back to Boston. After the first night events at Maura's family's mansion, the rest of the weekend had gone rather smoothly. And for the very first time in a long while, Jane had forgotten about all the rest; from her stressful job to her personal problems. It had come back as the skyline had appeared, all of a sudden. She hadn't been prepared for it. _You need some days off..._

"When am I supposed to meet John?"

Of course, her mother wouldn't give up so easily on the questions but to the mention of her date's name, the detective frowned and bit her lower lip.

"I don't think you ever will..."

She had said it matter-of-factly, in a slow whisper. With an undeniable logic. A loud sigh from Angela came to echo her confession.

"Of course."

The beer slid on her throat, embracing her refreshingly. For a few seconds, Jane closed her eyes; trying to not think about the slightest thing. It didn't work out.

"What is this?"

Angela had grabbed an unwrapped box from the coffee table and was now studying it with perplexity. A smile on her lips, the brunette went to sit down on her couch; took another sip of her drink.

"The Milky Way; fluorescent stickers. Maura has the same stuff in her bedroom and since I had found it great, she bought some for me. We will install it over the weekend."

She had appreciated the gesture. A lot. Her friend was sweet, attentive. Jane loved when Maura came up like that with genuine, simple surprises.

"Oh. And where is she, by the way? It is Tuesday. You usually spend it together at The Dirty Robber."

Usually. The adverb resounded wrong in the detective's head; not appropriate. Moving nervously on the couch, she looked around; tried to avoid her mother's gaze on her. Why had Angela stopped by again in the first place?

"She's at the courthouse, testifying for a case. Anyway, it's not like we're married. Just because we have some habits doesn't mean we have to stick to them no matters what!"

Jane restrained a moan of frustration. She hated the way she always replied in these moments. So close to an annoyed teenager's justification tone. _You're an adult, dammit. Behave as one. _

"Already when you were a child, you didn't like it."

Troubled by her mother's remark, the brunette turned her head around to look at her interlocutor. What was she talking about? Angela sat down and shrugged. She didn't look defeated but disabused, tired.

"You didn't like it when people wanted to hug you. You didn't like expressing your feelings. In any way at all. Small wonder why you're in the police, now. It's still the best way to protect who you really are. Your job doesn't allow you to show your feelings. On the contrary, you're paid to hide them. And you do a good job at it."

It wasn't the first time that her mother alluded to her temper but she had never sounded as true and bare as she had just done and Jane remained quiet; uncertain before the way she should reply. Angela took it as an opportunity to simply go on.

"It isn't for me, Jane. Nor for your father or your brothers. It's for you. And Maura. At least do it for the two of you; if only once."

An odd feeling spread over the brunette's stomach and made her shiver. Swallowing hard, she sighed loudly; shook her head with vehemence. An ironical laugh hit the air and she took another sip of beer.

"Damn, how many times will we have to say it? We're just..."

Angela groaned; frustrated and angry. It stopped Jane immediately.

"Friends, yeah I know. We know. You're just friends. This has to be your favorite sentence by now... I have been hearing it for so long that it sounds like a stupid child song. "Just a friend of mine"... This is ridiculous and you both know it. You're everything but that. How long will you keep on pretending? If there's something I tried to teach you during all these years, it's that there's nothing to be afraid about. There's no reason to hide the way you are, how you feel. It's not vulnerability. It's just honesty."

Angela stood up, grabbed her bag and opened the door of her daughter's apartment to leave. If none of them had kept eye-contact during the conversation, Jane suddenly found her mother's gaze fixed on her, with bitterness.

"Be honest to yourself, Jane. Everything will be fine. Trust me for once."

For long minutes, the detective didn't move. Looking at the door, the quietness of her apartment only sent her back that sentiment of discomfort she had felt as soon as she had come back to Boston. Her mother's words resounding loud in the emptiness of the place long after she had left; in the loneliness of her life.

"Come on, Jo Friday. We're off for a walk."

Jane finally stood up – opened the door – and waited for her dog to follow her. She needed fresh air, the immensity of the outdoor world. To put a few things in perspective. And Angela's voice coming by waves to her mind like an oppressive ghost she wanted to chase away.

_Just a friend of mine. She's nothing else but that. Just a friend of mine._


	11. Constellations

**Chapter eleven: Constellations**

_Blurriness: noun. Something that is hazy and indistinct to the sight or mind; the quality of being indistinct and without sharp outlines._

It had been raining for at least an hour, now; the intense noise of the beginning finally turning in a soft melody after a while – when everyone had got used to it. Leaned against the window, Maura followed the path embraced by a drop. Down the glass before vanishing, swallowed by the brick wall. It was a quiet night, one of these she hated more than anything else for them being a bit too favorable to a long and painful introspection.

"Here we go! Are you ready?"

She turned around – grabbed the bottle of beer that Jane tended her – and nodded enthusiastically. At least she wouldn't be alone, that night. The rain wouldn't have the bittersweet effect it usually had on her and everything would be alright. Perfect.

She sat down at the bottom of her friend's bed and sagely waited for Jane to turn the light off. As the detective did so and came to settle down by her side, Maura smiled brightly.

They all had appeared by magic, all the constellations. Orion, Taurus, Andromeda... A second had been enough for the ceiling to reveal its glimmering stars.

The honey blonde remained quiet, softly mesmerized by the sudden vision.

"I honestly can say that it's the best present I've got in a very long while..."

Jane's comment made her blush. She knew how the detective rarely gave into such confessions; not that she was insincere but it usually came implicitly. She wasn't made to express her feelings.

"I wonder how John is going to react when he sees it."

Since they had come back from the weekend at her family's mansion, Maura had tried to slow it down, to take her distance with the brunette. John's words at the supermarket hadn't left her a single second.

It hadn't really worked out. All she had been thinking about was today, when they would install all the fluorescent stickers in Jane's bedroom and share a moment together. The only thing she had realized was that not only the detective was her best friend but her only friend at all.

The others were mere acquaintances; faces that would fade away with the passing of time.

"I don't."

Jane's reply took her aback. Perplexed, she turned her head around and stared at her friend. The door had been left ajar so a thin ray of light came to slid on the hardwood floor but they were mainly in the dark; the outlines of the brunette blurry.

"I asked him to stop calling me... He wasn't the right one."

The words floated around, melting into Maura's confused sentiments. There was something relieving about it – nobody likes being the only one single – but mixed with a blurry sadness that left a bitter taste in her mouth. She felt sorry for Jane. There was nothing worse than realizing we had gone wrong one more time.

"You will find the right one. Don't be worried."

_This is the most ridiculous thing you could ever find to say, Maura. Really. Congrats. _A wave of heat embraced her cheeks as she realized how her remark sounded stupid; too polite. She took a sip of her beer and appreciated the fact that they were pretty much in the dark.

"Maybe I already have."

Even years later, the medical examiner wouldn't have been able to say if it was the way Jane's voice had shaken or the mere confession. But still. Maura's heart suddenly began to beat faster; pounding loud in her chest. Everything seemed to have disappeared around but the rain and its staccato melody that accompanied her pulse.

Her eyes focused on her friend's shoulder for long seconds. Then, slowly, she looked up until she lost herself in the detective's gaze. A disturbing mix of uncertainty and fear welcomed her.

As Jane's fingertips brushed her cheek, Maura swallowed hard; didn't move. The brunette's hand came to rest of her friend's nape who expectantly – almost by automatism – closed her eyes, waiting for the next move that seemed inevitable, now.

The honey blonde felt the detective's breath on her lips; warmer and warmer as she was getting closer. An invisible contact and she suddenly turned her head around, not allowing the final kiss to happen.

"I remember what I did. I have always known it."

With awkwardness, Jane took her hand away from her friend's nape. It had taken her all the courage she owned to actually try – and see. See if the others were right. If it was really what she wanted.

But within a second, Maura had put an end to it. Abruptly. Harshly.

"What?"

Another sip of beer – a long one – and the medical examiner realized that she had emptied her bottle. Perhaps soon enough, alcohol would soften a few things and life would seem easier to handle. But for the moment, it was tough. And rough.

"Last weekend. I know what I did. Everything, I remember everything. Absolutely everything."

The kiss, in the bedroom. It didn't take Jane long to understand what Maura meant, if only through half-words. The morning after, the medical examiner had seemed to have forgotten about it. And they had just gone on; as if nothing had happened.

"You lied?"

The detective frowned. She knew how her friend was incapable of such a thing; not morally but just physically. Maura couldn't lie. It was a fact. Her reactions when she tried to were undeniable and quite obvious.

"No... I just didn't mention it."

Was it supposed to open new perspectives? To change things irremediably? Jane appreciated – even if quite late – the honesty. _And now? What's gonna happen now? _Maura had kissed her, she had just been about to do the same. Was it supposed to make things easier? Or just blurrier?

"I'm sorry."

It sounded like a whisper, a very ashamed one; sliding on the honey blonde's lips with all the regret she could have. A truck passed in the street, below; its tires sliding on the damp asphalt.

"Maura, look at me. Please."

Slowly, the medical examiner obeyed and turned her head around to look at her friend. Regrets seemed to have embraced her features; and that latent fear to have got stuck in a dead-end. Something hurt in Jane's heart, echoing Maura's gaze; a mutual pain, a loud one.

Only silenced by their lips as they brushed again. But this time, nobody broke apart.


	12. Just Another Morning

**Chapter twelve: Just Another Morning**

_Appealing: adj. Having great appeal, attractive; entreating, imploring; able to attract interest or draw favorable attention; pleasing._

The warm embrace of the sun caressed her face and woke her up slowly. Keeping her eyes close, the honey blonde rolled on her back and stretched her arms. But instead of landing on a pillow, her left hand hit a strong surface that made her jump of surprise.

"Ouch!"

Maura opened her eyes widely this time and leaned up on her elbow, found herself facing Jane who was grimacing under the pain. She had kicked her right in the nose. Again.

"Oh my god..."

Mortified, the medical examiner went to get up in the idea to bring back some ice when she realized her nakedness. Slightly panicked, she grabbed the first piece of clothing she could find then rushed to the kitchen before coming back with a pack of ice.

As much as she focused on applying it gently on the brunette's nose, Maura felt how a wave of heat had made it to her cheeks.

"Arnica montana, this is what you need. Do you know that it contains helenalin? It is a toxin that can be poisonous if consumed in large amounts. You can suffer from internal bleeding and..."

As usual in a situation that made her feel deeply uncomfortable, she hid herself behind science; such a reassuring world of appearances, bare facts that didn't require the slightest feeling. Of course, she knew that most of people could see behind her game but what else could she do? It was almost instinctive.

"Internal bleeding? What are you up to, Maur'? After trying to disfigure me for the second time in a few weeks only, you're now into making me feel hypochondriac?"

Something hurt in her throat. Suddenly, unexpectedly. She let go of the ice pack that Jane was holding and swallowed hard. Her vision turned blurry. She bit her lower lip.

The detective noticed the sudden change of attitude and shook her head with vehemence. She looked sorry; frankly panicked.

"Oh, don't cry! I was only kidding... Hey, remember I grew up with two brothers. I'm used to people hitting me. Intentionally or not."

Jane had sat up; the blanket protectively hiding her chest. Her bare, naked skin. For a brief moment, Maura looked at a spot on the brunette's shoulder blade. She had kissed her there the night before. She had kissed her there before getting lost in caresses and sighs. Moans of desire and lust.

And as much as she wasn't sure where all these gestures were supposed to take them, this was certainly not the kind of morning after she had hoped for.

She took a deep breath and tried to calm down. Her eyes wandered on the bed. She had sat back on it to face Jane in an attempt to help her with the ice pack and only now was she realizing that she had put on the detective's Red Sox jersey; long enough to cover her decently.

"Are you alright?"

Her voice had sounded deep, full of this self-confidence she seemed to lack most of the time. Of course she hadn't alluded to Jane's nose; or at least not just to it. Her question had embraced quite a big amount of things that took too much courage to expose. To describe one by one in order to make it clear.

"... Yes, I'm fine."

Her heart began to pound loud in her chest as she heard the brunette's hoarse voice. The words had slid softly before twirling around in the quietness of the apartment. Just a random Saturday morning. It had stopped raining and a pale blue sky had spread over the city. A few more days and the whole country would celebrate Halloween. Then the winter would appear, icily.

Nothing had stopped. The world had kept on turning.

Slowly, Maura leaned over and planted a soft kiss on Jane's nose. Her hand traveled through the dark locks of hair. Leaning against the detective's forehead, the honey blonde looked up in her eyes; made a face.

"I am so sorry..."

Jane laughed lightly – a soft apology that didn't need much words in the end – and as the honey blonde felt her fingers brush her waist, she lowered her lips to kiss her friend.

Her friend. Was it still the exact term to determine the nature of their relation? And what would happen next? In a fluid movement, she slid under the blanket and passed on top of Jane; never breaking the kiss as if she hoped to defy science and feed herself with her partner's breath.

She had dated women in the past. Jane hadn't. Not that it made any difference, now. They had spent the night together, made love. With all the sweetness – the exhilaration – and the nervousness of the first times when you don't really know your partner and everything has yet to be discovered.

Had the brunette felt more apprehension for lacking experience? Maura shivered as she felt her hands pass underneath the jersey. She took it off but captured her lips back almost immediately.

Yes, perhaps her gestures were still a bit uncertain – carried away by a latent fear over the uncertainty of the future – but Jane didn't show it. As if she had put everything aside and simply enjoyed her time in Maura's arms.

Breathless, the medical examiner reluctantly broke apart. A bright smile lit up her lips, echoing Jane's. _So perfectly... _

"How do you manage to be so beautiful in the early morning?"

The remark – real compliment – took her completely aback. She blushed, hid a shy smile before looking all around to avoid the detective's gaze. It was bold, considering the context. They might have made love the night before, it was the first comment that seemed to put many things into perspectives.

Some sort of a first step.

And against all expectations, it had come from Jane.


	13. The Untold

**Chapter thirteen: The Untold**

_Ambiguity: noun. Doubtfulness or uncertainty as regards interpretation; vagueness or uncertainty of the meaning; the condition of admitting more than one meaning._

As they left Beacon Street behind and headed up Walnut Street, the traffic noise disappeared; softly, as if every single step they made embraced the city of a quiet serenity. Stronger and stronger. The elegant townhouses had adopted the delicate shades of the fall – highlighted by the red-ish leaves of the trees that kept on falling down, covering the asphalt with a singular delicacy.

Soon – almost by automatism – her fingertips brushed Jane's. She let them slide on the palm without a single word; then held her hand firmly. Tightly. The brunette responded to the gesture caressing with her thumb Maura's back of the hand.

A few weeks had passed by since they had pushed aside the limits of their friendship; since that Friday evening that had drawn a line under many things to open new, uncertain perspectives.

Step by step, they were learning from each other. Finding out in their intimacy a whole persona they had not really known until then. Against all expectations, a shade of novelty seemed to float above them; as if they hadn't been friends before. As if it didn't count much in the end. Being lovers was different. The level of bonding had nothing to do with what they had previously lived.

And everything remained yet to be learned, appreciated.

As they were approaching Louisburg Square, the medical examiner passed her arm around Jane's waist. Like a shield protecting them, Beacon Hill was their territory; the only place where they didn't feel the urge to hide themselves. Especially for the detective.

The way she had implicitly let Maura understand that they wouldn't show the slightest sign of care at the BPD had taken the honey blonde slightly aback but within a few seconds, she had silently agreed and accepted the pact. After all, their workplace had nothing to do with their private lives. There was a distinction between both. Fair enough to keep them apart.

But then there was all the rest, this constant sentiment to go uncovered. They didn't hold hands in crowded streets – big avenues – never exchanged the mere kiss in public. Only when they reached the quiet alleys of Beacon Hill did Jane allow herself to relax and give in. They wouldn't cross anybody by there. It was reassuring.

At the beginning, Maura hadn't minded about such behavior. Perhaps the brunette needed time to face a couple of facts and accept things as they were. But the exhilaration of the first days were slowly fading away and Jane didn't seem to feel the desire to change the slightest thing in her attitude. Nobody knew for them.

As a matter of fact, they hadn't even defined with exactitude the nature of their relationship. It remained blurry, ambiguous. And none of them dared to speak.

"Do you mind if we stop by Beacon Hill Market? I would like to buy a couple of things before going back home."

Jane smiled peacefully and shook her head before resting it on top of Maura's. She was sweet – tender – and extremely attentive. The honey blonde didn't regret the way things had turned and for nothing in the world would she have felt like going backwards. But as the time was passing by, she was getting a bit tired; and anxious.

Hiding her life was way too close to a lie. She knew that at some point, Jane would have to accept it fully. No mattered what.

"I'm tired..."

Their jobs hadn't helped them much. A stressful case had wrapped them up on that Monday, just after the weekend they had spent together, for the very first time as lovers. They had got carried away by it; the adrenalin of the emergency, the iciness of the context. Another person who had ceased to breathe. Conciliate both lives wasn't easy.

"Do you stay home, tonight?"

In all honesty, sleepovers hadn't been a hard point to schedule. Even before they became intimate, they used to spend most of their time together and considering how reluctant Jane was to assume in public her private life, Maura was glad about this point. At least, none of them had to lie or run around.

As they entered Beacon Hill Market, the detective suddenly took her distance from the honey blonde; almost froze. Curious, Maura followed her gaze. A man in his thirties was about to leave the place with a few bags in hand. As he saw Jane, his face lit up. Warmly. Friendly. Naturally.

"Hey, Rizzoli! If I had got told that I'd see you around... How are you?"

Casually, the brunette hugged him. The way she managed to hide her discomfort and anxiety always let Maura perplexed, a tad envious. She wasn't good at pretending. Jane was the exact opposite.

"Marco... Let me introduce you Maura... Maura Isles. Maura, this is Marco Angeli. We graduated from high-school on the same year. Marco, this is Maura. She's... She's a friend of mine."

The blonde's smile froze but she didn't let it show. Politely – and delighted to meet Jane's acquaintance – she shook the man's hand. Swallowing back the taste of disappointment left by the detective's words.

A friend. Was it how she would ever be introduced? Not that it was a complete lie. Jane was certainly the person she trusted the most – confided in – but she wouldn't have defined the nature of their relation that way around anymore. For obvious reasons.

They chatted for a while. Marco left – they bought a few supplies – then went back to the blonde's quiet house a street away from the market. It would be one of these smooth evenings when nothing mattered but each other's caresses; light kisses. The world could have exploded that they wouldn't even notice it. Lost in their bubble; so far from public gazes.

"Is everything okay, Maur'? You look pale."

Sat on the couch, Jane brushed the blonde's cheek with the back of her hand and frowned. She did look worried, actually. Sweetly worried. Maura smiled in her neck, planted a kiss there before resting her head on her shoulder and closing her eyes.

"Everything's fine."

Jane needed time. Then one day – when she felt ready – the words would come up naturally and there wouldn't be any friend allusion anymore. They would hold hands in the street – kiss – without fearing the slightest thing. And they would both be happy.

Maura smiled. Yes, they would both be happy.


	14. A Matter Of Trust

**Chapter fourteen: A Matter Of Trust**

_Assumption: noun. The act of taking possession or asserting a claim; presumption, arrogance; the act of taking for granted._

Maura laughed and held her interlocutor's forearm kindly while doing so. Sat a few tables away, Jane observed the scene and straightened up suddenly; swallowing hard.

Twice. The medical examiner had touched the guy twice within five minutes. _Who the hell is he, anyway? _Clenching her jaw, she kept on watching carefully at the conversation – obviously light and charming – that the blonde was having.

The detective had arrived a few minutes earlier from the courthouse, glad to be on time for the lunch break that Maura had promised her. But as she had passed the door of the cafe, her mother had stopped her before she had had a chance to go for the medical examiner. The thing was, she hadn't missed the slightest bit of how the blonde had been chatting with the stranger in spite of Angela complaining about the way Tommy hadn't returned her calls.

Something was hurting inside of her. An alarm had set off in her head. But as much as her mother had finally left her, Jane hadn't dared to move and was waiting – slightly in pain – that Maura put an end to the conversation.

A hug. Too long to the brunette's taste. In a last laugh, the man finally left and the honey blonde came to Jane's table, all smile.

"Setting up a date, Dr Isles?"

Maura certainly didn't miss the sarcasm in her voice. Actually, it even made the detective feel ashamed. She was reacting ridiculously and knew it. For a few seconds, the honey blonde didn't move; her eyes plunged in Jane's dark ones. Then without any warning, her face suddenly lit up.

"Oh my god. Slightly shaking and sweating – increased pulse rate... Would you be jealous, Jane?"

The brunette scoffed, sweeping away with a gesture of the hand the remark. Yet it took her a while to actually reply. The situation was worsening, especially for her.

"I am not...! It's just hot in here. And my pulse rate is absolutely normal."

Maura laughed lightly and buttoned up her coat. Temperatures had drastically decreased for the past few days, announcing a rough winter.

"I can tell by the way your superior vena cava is pulsing... And what will be your next step? Peeing all around me to mark territory?"

Offended – yet a tad ashamed – Jane stood up and put back her scarf on, following the honey blonde out of the cafe in the street. The wind was strong, icy. If the weather remained like this, the snow would appear sooner than predicted.

"My what... Jeez, it's up to you if Mister Good Looks deserves so much attention that you don't even feel the urge to introduce me to him. Ugh! Whatever."

Maura grabbed the detective's arm as she began to walk down the street. A laugh escaped from her lips. In a fluid movement, she slightly leaned her head on Jane's shoulder. Furtively. This wasn't Beacon Hill; the area was full of police officers and colleagues.

"Professor Samuel Levenstein is an old friend... Who has been living with his partner – William Bens - for the last ten years or so."

Jane didn't say a word and focused on her feet instead, the way they swallowed the asphalt under her quick steps; a matching rhythm to Maura's. She had made a fool of herself enough for the day, there was no need to worsen her case.

Both women remained quiet until they reached a French bistro a bit further where Maura had booked a table. This was something the brunette liked about the medical examiner; the way she was enterprising, always came up with plans that broke their monotone routine. A lunch outside of the BPD and its terrible sandwiches eaten in front of a computer screen was nice, relaxing.

"How did it go, this morning?"

Putting back the menu down the table, Jane shrugged and focused on a man walking his dog outside.

If there was something she disliked about her job, it had to be the moment when she was asked to testify at a trial. For whatever reason, she had a hard time dealing with such situation; all these faces staring at her, paying attention to the mere word that would slide on her lips and seal someone's fate irrevocably.

"The way some people can pay themselves the best attorney in town makes me sick."

A young waitress arrived to take their orders. As she left again, the detective grabbed a slice of bread and bit in it. Maura's hand slid on her knee and squeezed it softly. As usual, this mere touch set off a whole series of reactions in her body; from her blood pressure reaching a peak to the wave of funny sensations embracing her stomach.

The restaurant was crowded – noisy – but unexpectedly, Jane felt fine among the customers; as if she passed completely unnoticed. Sat next to the medical examiner, she passed her hand under the table to press firmly – lovingly – the blonde's.

The good thing with Maura was that they didn't need to speak to understand each other. Their bond owned this singular strength that allowed them to go beyond words. An invisible connection joining their feelings together.

There were many things they still had to work on – a whole series of points and elements to define – but the sure thing was, Jane couldn't imagine herself going backwards. The past few weeks had been so determining in her life; unexpected. New. Hard to put words on all of this but she embraced it with a delicate pleasure she had never experienced until then.

The rest of the lunch went smoothly, too fast if the detective had to be honest. Before she had a chance to realize it, they were both back in the street. What if they didn't go back to work? What if they called in sick and spent the rest of the afternoon together? Walking through the streets of Boston, or at home in each other's arms? What if they put all the rest aside if only for a couple of hours? _I wish... _

"I'm thinking about inviting Samuel and William for dinner one of these evenings... What do you think about it?"

After all the fuss she had made about Maura's friend, the question only managed to make her blush. A tad embarrassed, she shrugged; her hand brushing the medical examiner's but she prevented herself from holding it properly.

"If the three of you don't bore me to death with your academic facts..."

Her remark made Maura laugh lightly but as they were about to take a main street in order to reach the BPD, the honey blonde suddenly grabbed her hand before taking her towards a quiet – residential – alley.

The medical examiner pushed her against a tree – far from the sight of the traffic in the street nearby. Jane let her do, let her hold both of her hands. Maura plunged her eyes in hers and smiled softly. How could she look so self-confident? So calm.

"You don't need to feel jealous with me. I'm not going around... You're the only one I care about; the only one I want to hold in my arms."

As she leaned up to capture Jane's lips in a deep kiss, Maura raised the brunette's hands – making them rest on her shoulders, around her neck – before her own ones went down again to hold the detective's waist in a gesture she hoped protective, reassuring.


	15. For The Rest Of Your Life

**Chapter fifteen: For The Rest Of Your Life**

_Acceptance: noun. The act of process of accepting; the state of being accepted or acceptable; belief in something, agreement; favorable reception, approval._

Her hand stopped on the knob and for a few seconds, she focused on the light by the windows of the house. How she hated being the last one to arrive somewhere, at a party. The other guests stopped their conversation suddenly and as all the faces turned towards the only one responsible for the new silence that reigned over the room, she had no other choice but to pretend to look casual; not at all bothered by the way she had broken the evening dynamism. The context helped even less right now.

Taking a deep breath, she finally passed the door and put a smile on her lips. The smell welcomed her; that scent she had got used to through the years until it had turned into a sweet addiction. Hard to give some definition to it. A whole series of elements composed it, bringing up all its singularity. That note of reassurance she felt when submerged by it. Maura's place; that house she considered as hers almost implicitly, now.

"You must be freezing... Go by the fireplace, we were waiting for you."

If for a few seconds Jane focused on nothing but the way the honey blonde's hand had slid on her lower back while the other one had come to rest on her stomach – a kiss being planted at the corner of her lips to welcome her back – the pronoun used made her freeze. Slowly, she finally looked up and noticed the two men standing a few feet away by the kitchen counter. Glass of wine in hand, they were looking at her quietly.

Jane blushed, feeling the wave of heat rush up her cheeks. As much as Samuel and William were their guests for the evening and Maura's friends, they were still strangers to her eyes. She barely knew their identity, in the end. Such an effusion of tender – intimate – gestures wasn't appropriate. Not even their relatives actually knew about them.

"I'm sorry I had to stay at the office a bit longer than planned and then I got stuck in traffic."

Awkwardly, she gave Maura the bottles of wine she had promised to buy then went to shake the two men's hand; warmly. As casually as she was able to.

A quick glance at the dinner table and she noticed that the medical examiner had set it herself, alone. In an invisible gesture of guilt, Jane sat on the couch and concentrated on the conversation she was having with their guests instead. A last-minute file had kept her at the office; not that it was her fault but still... She was arriving late at the honey blonde's place and only had now to put her feet under the table, like a vulgar guy; the ones she couldn't stand. She should have been there, helping Maura around; not just stopping by a deli to buy a couple of bottles.

In a gesture of silent apologies, Jane slid her hand over the blonde's thigh and rested it there. Not used to such behavior in public, Maura cast a furtive glance at the detective. A shy smile embraced her lips and as her hand covered the brunette's, she focused back on the conversation.

To Jane's highest pleasure, the evening turned out to be nice and relaxing. Very soon, she found herself enjoying Samuel and William's presence. They were chatty, and funny. For a moment, she wondered why Maura had never talked to her about them before. How come she had never crossed their path, if only at the medical examiner's house.

There was a whole part of the blonde's life that the detective ignored; and vice-versa. As much as she had assumed to know Maura by heart, the last few weeks had made her realize that it wasn't true and many things – many details – remained to be discovered. They might have had a very exclusive friendship before going further, she didn't know everything about Maura's life; not even what the honey blonde did when she wasn't around.

"I have rarely seen her so fine..."

At Samuel's remark, Jane turned around to look at him. Maura had just left with William – heading to her office upstairs for a book the man was eager to read. The detective and the professor had remained in the living-room to enjoy their coffee.

Bass suddenly appeared behind an armchair. Jo Friday passed by the tortoise without a single gaze towards its companion. The scene was surely peculiar; not really classic when Jane thought about it.

"Maur' told me that you and William had been together for over ten years, now. Why didn't you two get married?"

Why on Earth had she asked such a question? Her strange boldness made her blush. She wasn't keen on alluding to people's private life. If only because she didn't like it when she turned out to be the one who found herself in the interviewed seat. It was absolutely none of her business. But Samuel didn't seem to mind. Shrugging, he simply smiled.

"We have never been into marriage that much. As a matter of fact, we have never discussed it. A wedding isn't the way we see our couple, I guess. But we would gladly attend yours and Maura's."

Jane forced a laugh, wishing nothing but the floor to open and swallow her within a second. Nobody knew for them – except now William and Samuel – so the least she could say was that marriage had not been in her top priority list lately. If it ever happened to be.

The professor must have felt her slight discomfort because he leaned over and winked; a hand on her knee.

"I was only kidding."

Thankfully, Maura and William came back; putting an abrupt end to their awkward dialogue. The rest of the evening went smoothly enough for the detective to forget about it until she found herself in bed, wrapped up in the silence of the neighborhood; a bit too perfect for introspection.

Maura stepped out of the bathroom and quietly headed to her side of the bed. _Her side. _When had they started looking like an old couple already? With all their habits, this latent tendency to get carried away by a comforting routine. Jane bit her lower lip and abandoned the article she had been trying to read.

The honey blonde was wearing her BPD gray shirt, the one she used to wear when she went for a jog. There was something cute in the gesture – something tender from Maura's choice. She filled the piece of clothing differently but it was still Jane's; she had chosen it in spite of its randomness that contrasted with her usual silk pajamas.

"You wear my shirt..."

Instinctively, Maura looked down at her chest and shrugged while settling in bed. She pointed out at the magazine Jane was holding.

"And you are reading my _Vanity Fair_... This shirt is composed of the most basic cotton you could find around but I have to say that it matches perfectly these blue navy pajama pants that I have bought the other day. Don't you think so?"

Jane closed the magazine – obviously guilty before the honey blonde's remark about it – and rolled on her side, plunging her eyes in Maura's. A bright, genuine smile was playing on her lips. Pushing a lock of hair behind the medical examiner's ear, the brunette frowned; bit her lower lip.

They had had a perfect evening. The kind of ones she wanted to live eternally. Over and over, like a videotape she would watch until it got damaged. Laughs, some friends around and her girlfriend. _My girlfriend... _The words sounded loud in her head; fair.

"I love you."

Maura's smile to the confession disappeared against her lips as she bent over to kiss her softly; a hand in the long, honey locks of hair.

Yes, a perfect evening.


	16. Who Am I?

_**Author's note: thank you very much for the reviews, I really appreciate them and hope you will keep on enjoying this story.**_

_**...**_

**Chapter sixteen: Who Am I?**

_Courage: noun. The state or quality of mind or spirit that enables one to face danger, fear; confidence and resolution; bravery._

The Chinese take-outs landed loudly on the coffee table as Maura abandoned them there to focus back on Jane. With a mischievous smile, she approached her fingers from the detective's stomach and played with the fabric of the shirt for a moment. The brunette let her do in silence.

It had been over a week now that they had spent an evening together without the stress of any case on their shoulders, on their mind. The last reports had been typed an hour before. At last they could relax, now, and let their desires speak out loud.

One step more. Maura's legs pushed against Jane who had no choice but to go backwards, hitting the edge of her couch. It didn't take her long to understand what the honey blonde wanted. Without a word, she laid down on it and let the medical examiner go on top of her.

In a fluid movement, Maura bent over and finally captured the brunette's lips in a long awaited kiss as her hand went to wander down her body. It cost her a lot to recognize that she tended to dominate their relation on every single point yet it was rather true when she thought about it. _It's just because Jane has less experience. It would be different under other circumstances. _A control freak. She was known as a control freak at work and the mere idea that such a characteristic could also apply for her private life tended to embarrass her.

Since William and Samuel had come for dinner, the blonde had the feeling that Jane had slowly relaxed before the nature of their relationship. Not that they had said anything to anyone yet but she held hopes and tried her best to reassure the brunette. Perhaps it was just that, in the end; her protective side had a tendency to show up with Jane, therefore her domination tendencies.

Slowly, her lips left the detective's and traced a path of kisses down her neck. They were still at the first stage of their relationship when the slightest touch elicited a whole series of sensations – the beats of their heart speeding up their pace – and within a second the urge of feeling the other's flesh was a lot stronger than anything else.

Her fingers passed under Jane's shirt – soon followed by her lips on the detective's perfect stomach. If she had to be honest, Maura would give anything to spend the next twenty-four hours in bed with her. For once they would call in sick... Did it really matter? As if punished for her quiet thoughts, Jane's cell phone rang.

The medical examiner groaned out of frustration yet didn't stop her ministrations. Slightly breathless, Jane grabbed her phone and took the call.

_Mine didn't ring. Hopefully it's not for work. _Delicately, the honey blonde focused back on the skin that asked for nothing but to be kissed, caressed. The tip of her tongue brushed Jane's lower stomach. She felt her shiver under the touch; slightly. Amused, Maura looked up at the brunette who was desperately trying to sound casual to her interlocutor.

"Yeah, sure... It's pretty easy, anyway... For two? Hmm okay... I... Err... Hey do you mind if I go with a friend of mine?... Yeah, I'm sure Maura will love it..."

At the mention of her name, the medical examiner froze; swallowed hard. Something hurt inside of her. Was it what a broken heart felt like? Unless it was just the weight of disappointment. For long seconds, she remained still, observing the way Jane's stomach moved under her breath.

A friend. The word had never sounded so sharp and bitter than now. Terribly empty as well. Maura took a deep breath and sat back on the couch as far from Jane as possible. She didn't want to be touched. It all had flown away within a second; everything, the slightest ounce of warm feeling.

The call seemed to last forever and yet not long enough. When Jane finally put back her cell on the coffee table, a heavy silence spread over the room. _Is she even going to see what it does to me? _

"Is this what I am, to you? Is this the way you will always introduce me to people?"

Perhaps she should have been more diplomat instead of bringing it up like that, almost harshly. But it was just the way she felt; going straight to the point, not losing her time with polite, long sentences. It took Jane aback.

Perplexed, the brunette shook her head; frowned.

"What are you talking about?"

Maura realized that she had subconsciously crossed her arms against her chest in a protective attempt. Against herself. Against what had to come. Some things she couldn't but dread. Yet inevitable, now.

"A friend. Is this what I am, to you? Am I your friend, just a friend?... Listen... I'm not asking for big declarations, Jane... I don't mind if we remain distant in public. As a matter of fact, I've never been fond of couples who show that much their affection to the whole world... There are some things I want you to be the only one to see. And feel... But still... Saying I'm just your friend... It hurts a bit, even if it's not intentional... Why do you do this? Everyone doesn't have to know. You don't have to shout it out loud. But stop pretending. It's not a reason to keep on lying... You know what? The only feeling it gives me in the end is that you're ashamed of me; of us. Of what we live... And... I don't like it the slightest bit."

The self-confidence in her voice had faded away little by little as she had lost herself in the confusion of her sentiments. All of a sudden, it seemed like everything had stopped. All the hopes she had hold over Jane's acceptance and evolution. The last few weeks.

"What... Maur', come on... You know I wouldn't hurt you on purpose. It's just... It's complicated."

Something began to boil in her lower stomach as the detective's words were making it to her mind; a dark anger rising softly inside of her before rushing through her veins. She clenched her fists; turned around to stare at Jane.

"Can't you just assume for once your feelings? What you are...? Can't you stop being afraid of what people might say? I'm almost thirty-seven, Jane. I don't want to play hide-and-seek. I'm not here for that. I love you and you love me. Great. Then prove it. Prove that I'm more important to your eyes than what others might think."

It had sounded like an ultimatum; an unwanted one. Yet she didn't take it back and instead, rose her chin in defiance. She had been patient – comprehensive – but it had been over two months now and Jane didn't seem eager to change the slightest bit.

Long seconds passed by. Heavily above their heads. As the detective didn't reply, Maura simply stood up and grabbed her bag.

"Okay, I'm out of here. Call me when you grow up and accept it."

Unlike a movie scene, nobody tried to catch her back. Angrily, Maura stepped out of the building and headed back to her place without the slightest person shouting out her name to prevent her from doing so.

No happy ending. Life was harsh. She had always known it.


	17. Among The Others

**Chapter seventeen: Among The Others**

_Loneliness: noun. Without companions, lone; characterized by aloneness, solitary; unfrequented by people, desolate; dejected by the awareness of being alone_

She cast a furtive glance at the large windows only to notice that it was still snowing hard, outside. The winter had hit Boston without any warning. The temperatures had been low for a while but nobody had announced the blizzard that seemed to be now spreading over the city. After all, the whole country had just celebrated Thanksgiving. It was still a bit early for such a Siberian landscape.

Focusing back on the documentary she was watching, Maura kept on eating; glad to be home under a warm blanket and not outside on a crime scene. She wasn't on call, that night. And it was a good thing.

Suddenly, a door by the kitchen got opened; a long, icy breeze coming to caress the blonde's neck. She swallowed hard – settled further under her blanket – but smiled at Angela as she entered the room. It had been a while since Jane's mother had stopped by for a chat. Of course, they had shared dinners and light conversations but the medical examiner couldn't remember the last night they had spent some time there – sat on her couch – talking randomly about life.

Bad timing, though. Maura wasn't in the mood.

Angela's eyes went from the couch – where a couple of detective novels had been abandoned as well as medical essays – to the television. The images on the screen made her frown, slightly disgusted. Maura restrained a laugh; shrugged.

"It is a very interesting documentary about the history of autopsy. You have arrived just on time for the explanation of the importance of the histological exam of organs."

As a pair of hands grabbed a kidney to open it, Angela turned her head. Obviously, she wasn't sharing Maura's enthusiasm for the program; as much as it surely was interesting.

She loved the honey blonde as much as her own children, now. Slowly – naturally – the scientist had made it into her life, given sense to her daily acts. It had been much needed after her divorce. She owed a lot to her daughter's best friend. Pretty much everything, actually. Yet she couldn't but recognize that – at times – Maura was a bit odd.

What kind of person wanted to spend Friday evening watching an autopsy on television? Or read all the books that surrounded the honey blonde. The medical examiner didn't just love her job. She saw in it a way to protect herself from the rest of the world.

"Do you ever happen to have a sexual life?"

The question took Maura completely aback. Not embarrassed at all; she was just surprised. Slowly, she turned an inquisitive gaze towards the older woman who looked a tad worried.

"Excuse me?"

A sigh of frustration escaped from Angela's lips. She sat down on the couch and motioned at the books; the television set.

"You're thirty-six years old, single. It's Friday night. And you're spending it with dead people. Gorging yourself on... Organic soy yogurts. You should be out and having fun... Like around, you know."

Guilty, Maura looked down at the yogurt she had been eating. Some people ate Nutella, she preferred a healthier type of food. And so what? In the end, it was still compensation; just like the rest. She knew it very well. But it was still her life; her choices.

"I have absolutely no sexual frustrations, Angela. You really don't need to worry about that."

Her frustrations laid deeper within her; in a place nobody could see, not even herself. A dark place, not really warm anymore. It had made her suffer since the very beginning. Now she was just trying to deal with it. Accept the pain. _Nobody dies of a broken heart._

"I'm not talking about the mechanic. I'm an adult, I'm not genuine. Yet I don't want to know what you do when alone in your bedroom... I can get it. No. I'm talking about feelings, emotions. Gosh, small wonder why you get along with Jane. You're just the same, in the end."

If the first part of Angela's speech made her slightly blush – restrain a laugh – the mere mention of the detective's name resulted enough for her face to darken suddenly. Her eyes fixed the television but the images had ceased to make sense. They were just a succession of moving colors on a big screen.

Angela noticed the change in Maura's behavior and frowned.

"What has my daughter done again? And where is she, by the way?"

The medical examiner shrugged, cast another glance towards the large windows. The only thing she hoped was that Jane wasn't outside. Because the roads were icy, and dangerous. She didn't want to be woken up in the middle of the night and forced to rush to the ER.

"She's working on a new case. I assume that she's at her place."

Angela snorted, obviously unconvinced. Things hadn't really changed since Maura had stormed out the brunette's apartment a few days before. As odd as it could be. Life had gone on and in public, they kept on behaving the way they had always had. Their friendship hadn't been damaged by anything. It was all the rest, all these things the others ignored. _Perhaps it was a mistake. Perhaps we shouldn't have tried. We might only be made to be friends._

The wonder hurt Maura. She had thought about it – over and over – at times assuming that it was her fault; that she had asked too much. But after a few seconds of anger, she always came to the conclusion that she had been fair. She was just tired.

From an external point of view, people had probably not even noticed the slightest change at all. As if it had been all vain. As if nothing had ever happened in the end.

"What has my daughter done?"

The words resounded loud in Maura's head. Too loud, to the point they made her feel dizzy. Focusing hard on the television where a cold heart had been taken off a corpse, she bit the inside of her mouth; took a deep breath.

"Nothing. She has done nothing."

And that was the main problem, actually. Disappointed, Angela shook her head and stood up. She was planning on leaving for the weekend with a friend of her. Maura nodded absent-mindedly.

She had never understood people until they ceased to breath. It might have seemed gloomy – even to her – she had got used to it for a long while already. She wasn't made for the crowd, for the life that emerged from the others. It was too loud, too complicated. Too disappointing. Angela left and closed the door behind her.

Concentrating back on the documentary, the blonde remained impassible. What could she say? She had always preferred to be lonely.


	18. Please

**Chapter eighteen: Please**

_Urge: noun. An impulse that prompts action or effort; an involuntarily tendency to perform a given activity; an instinct._

Two hours hitting her punching ball hadn't changed the slightest thing. Not that she was surprised; it never really worked out in the end. As soon as she stopped, her frustration reappeared; boiling in her lower stomach. The only solution was to speak out loud. To say things. No mattered the consequences she would face afterward.

The only problem was that she had a tendency to be coward.

Showered and in front of her macaroni, Jane realized that she wasn't hungry. The truth was that she had barely eaten since Maura had stormed out of her apartment. Unexpectedly. Harshly. She hadn't seen it come; or at least not really. She had just assumed that she would have more time, for everything.

It hurt. Deep inside. It hurt as it had never done before. The worst of all was the way Maura played it, as if nothing had happened. As if they were still the best friends around.

_A mere fling. She treats me like a mere fling. _The detective clenched her fists. The honey blonde had managed to take her distance with everything so easily. Or at least that was what she pretended. _Nobody can confess her love and within a minute ignore it all. Nobody has this strength. Absolutely nobody._

She missed her smell. The warmth of her body against hers. Her smile when she opened her eyes in the morning. The way she used to whisper against her ear as she fell asleep. She missed every single point of what they had lived for the last months; all these elements she hadn't managed to accept properly.

She missed them so much that it ached. Abruptly.

Frustrated, Jane pushed her plate away and huddled up on the couch. She had had dinner at Maura's a couple of days ago; with her mother and her brothers, Lydia and TJ. She needed to find herself alone – once and for all – with the medical examiner. It was a urge that she could barely explain. Setting off in her lower stomach before rushing through her veins like a wave of adrenalin.

She needed Maura. She needed her right now.

The dialing tone resounded loud in her ear, echoing the pounding of her heart in her chest. Without a single thought, she had grabbed her phone then dialed the honey blonde. Because she had to. She had to talk to her, hear her voice.

"_Hello, this is Dr Maura Isles speaking. I am not available right now so please leave a message and I will call you back later."_

The beep made her shiver. She was terrified, confused and lost. She hadn't planned on landing on the answering machine. Since when did Maura not take her calls? What if something had happened to her? Nobody was there to make sure she was fine.

"Maur'... It's me... Hey... I... Hmm... So I was calling you and I thought... You know... I mean... It's just that... I..."

She sighed, desperate and distressed before her incapacity to make the slightest sentence. Closing her eyes, she passed a hand through her hair then swallowed hard.

"Damn you have no idea how I miss you... I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you... I'm not ashamed of you. I love you... I do... And I want to be with you... Please, Maur'... Talk to me. I need to see you... I... I need you..."

Then all of a sudden, Jane realized that her voice had broken and salty tears had come to caress her lips bitterly. She was crying. Alone in the bareness of her apartment; on a cold night of December. Nothing made sense anymore when Maura wasn't around. Not even keeping her invisible shield on.

"Maur', please... Listen to me... I want to see you... Give me a chance, please. Let me... Let me prove you that... You're my whole life."

A cruel beep welcomed her. She had used all the time given to a message. It had cut right in the middle of her supplications, not even giving her a chance to say goodbye; nor make sense.

She could have called back and left another message but as soon as she stopped talking, a whole wave of tears submerged her and she remained still; crying in silence.

…

Maura stepped out of her bathroom and headed to her bed. She settled under the blanket before casting a glance by the window. Why was she always doing that? Beacon Hill was silent – plunged in the dark – at night. Was she hoping to see something special outside? Shaking her head to her ridiculous habit, she grabbed her book on the nightstand only to realize that her phone was vibrating.

_You have a message_

She didn't check who had called. For some reason, she went straight to her voice mail. Not that it was that important; she wasn't on call, that night.

The honey blonde was settling further against the smooth pillows in her back when she froze; staring at an invisible point in front of her. It wasn't the fact that Jane had called but her tone of voice; something she had never heard from the detective before. A pure, plain distress.

A burning pain.

She remained still for long seconds even after the message ended. As if she couldn't move anymore, as if the world had finally stopped turning and everything had fallen down; all her references. Her smart phone vibrated anew. Slowly, she looked down at the screen. A text message had appeared.

"_I love you. I really do._

_Jane"_

Her breath had become louder without her noticing it. With shaking hands, she put back her phone on the nightstand – pushed her book aside – and turned the lights off before huddling under the blanket.

She closed her eyes tightly but it didn't change a thing. Soon enough, tears began to embrace her face like glimmering diamonds in the darkness of a bitter night.

What was going to happen, now?


	19. The Exception

**Chapter nineteen: The Exception**

_Resistance: noun. The act or an instance of resisting or the capacity to resist; a force that tends to oppose or retard motion; a process in which the ego opposes the conscious recall of anxiety-producing experiences._

As she took her coat off, a wave of warmth embraced her bare arms; contrasting sharply with the cold temperatures of the outside. She cast a furtive glance around. Out of curiosity.

The place was elegant – very chic – with dark woods and Eastern carpets that stifled the mere step customers and waiters made. Her eyes stopped on a table, in a corner. Jane was there.

As she noticed Maura, the detective stood up and smiled brightly; adjusting her black dress, making sure her hair wasn't too messy. Quiet signs of a latent nervousness.

The honey blonde took a deep breath – trying to calm down the loud beats of her heart – and headed to the table slowly.

"You are gorgeous..."

The medical examiner blushed at her own confession as she plunged her eyes in Jane's. She knew that the detective had made an effort. Just for her. This place was everything that the brunette didn't like in the first place yet she had chosen it as soon as Maura had accepted their dinner date.

They needed to speak. It was obvious. After Jane's call and a sleepless night, the blonde had sent back a message to the detective. A simple "Let's meet somewhere". Within a couple of hours, she had received the address of the restaurant. Was it a date? Or just a face-to-face?

"Certainly not as much as you are."

A wide smile embraced Maura's lips. She sat down and grabbed the menu then began to play with it a tad nervously. The food must have been delicious but she was too stressed to eat the slightest thing. It would be a torture. They still ordered some dishes before a heavy silence to fall down on them. It was quite a delicate evening. Perhaps more than expected.

"I missed you."

Slowly, Maura's fingers abandoned the table only to slide on Jane's hand. The warm contact made the honey blonde shiver and all of a sudden, she realized how she had missed it. How she had missed the skin-to-skin perfection that seemed to emanate from their respective body. A few seconds more and she held the brunette's hand tightly.

"Here's your..."

The waiter's voice resounded loud – piercing suddenly through the bubble they had lost themselves in – and immediately, Jane took her hand off Maura's. The gesture didn't pass unnoticed to the blonde. Yet she didn't say a word, didn't protest. Drowning into wine what she knew would be vain.

"You know I'm not ashamed of you, right?"

Jane's voice broke as she asked the medical examiner about it. Quickly, she turned her head around as if focusing on an invisible point would help. Maura simply looked down at her plate. They had to allude to it at some point, she had always known it. Yet she had wished they had skipped this part to reach already a quieter level.

"I do... Of course, I do. But I don't want to be part of a lie. It's not how I see my life, the person I am."

The brunette sighed. Had they reached a dead-end path? She couldn't accept it. She needed Maura in her life.

"You said you dated women yet you never showed up with one of them at the BPD. How come?"

The remark took Maura aback. She hadn't expected Jane to play the offensive card. Little did she know that she would never win like that.

"It is paramount for me to separate both lives; the professional and sentimental ones. My colleagues don't have to know what happens in my bedroom, unless they find themselves in it... I date women, and I assume it. It's just that none of them worked at the BPD – nor nearby – and had thus a reason to show up there. I'm a medical examiner, this is what I'm paid for. Not to have a quickie by the door of my office. But if one day I'm asked then I will say it out loud."

Jane swallowed hard. Maura was right. Of course, she was. In all of this, as a matter of fact. But her stupid stubbornness – her insecurities – pushed her to advance arguments, over and over. Even if they were pointless.

Maura took advantage of the brunette's silence to pursue.

"I know it's hard, Jane. I went through it myself... But what the others think is so worthless in the end. Besides, bisexuality is perfectly natural. It's..."

The detective stopped her, hand in the air; shaking her head.

"I'm not bisexual, Maura. I'm straight."

The honey blonde frowned. Obviously, she hadn't expected such a remark. Could Jane be that much in denial?

"Why excuse me but as far as I know – and by now I think I can say I know it quite well – we are both women... So you can hardly be straight."

Maura knew that it hadn't been curiosity from the brunette. Their relation had been too intense for that. Way too strong. Yet Jane surprised her one more time as she shrugged it away.

"I date guys. I'm not attracted to women like... At all. I don't plan on dating women. It's not my thing... But for some reason, it's different when it comes to you. I love you. I don't know why, I can't explain it yet I know it's there and I can't help it. I don't even want to...I want to be with you... You're the only woman I'll ever be in love with, Maura. You're the exception... My exception."

It was the most awkward – unconventional – declaration she had ever got. Yet it moved her to a point she could hardly describe. Holding back her tears, Maura simply smiled back. _But let us stand in the light... Please... It's the only way for us to make it work out._

The rest of the dinner flew away as the conversation suddenly took another direction. Something a lot lighter. And one more time – as if nothing had ever happened – both women found themselves at their table laughing hard, joking around. No mattered the rest, they seemed to always be meant to come back to such a point where they bonded strongly, defying the burning untold of a precarious relationship.

"Where are you parked?"

It had stopped snowing. The sidewalks were dangerous ice rinks but Maura hadn't minded much about it. She shook her head at Jane's question.

"I came here walking. I'm only a few blocks away..."

The brunette nodded, put her hands in the pockets of her winter coat and started walking towards the residential neighborhood of Beacon Hill.

"And I came with the subway so come on, I take you home."

It wasn't a good idea. As much as Jane had confessed – one more time – her feelings, they hadn't come to any conclusion whatsoever regarding their relationship.

Yet Maura knew that the detective would spend the night at her place if she accompanied her back home. She wasn't genuine. The scenario was quite easy to announce and foresee.

For a few seconds, she remained still on the sidewalk – looking at Jane go away. _Don't let her do that, Maura. You know way too well how all of this will end. _

But she didn't say a word, didn't pronounce Jane's name. Instead, she simply caught her back and let her steps ignore the screams of her mind.


	20. A Better Tomorrow

**Chapter twenty: A Better Tomorrow**

_Bitter: adj. Having or being a taste that is sharp, acrid and unpleasant; difficult or distasteful to admit; resulting from or or expressive of severe grief, anguish or disappointment._

A stifled noise woke her up, the sound of silverware coming from her kitchen downstairs. Without a word, Maura opened her eyes and turned around. The other side of the bed was empty but the pillow still had the rustles of the night. Of Jane's head on it. The honey blonde sighed loudly.

She had kissed the detective. It was her fault. Jane had leaned over to say goodnight – her lips brushing softly her cheek – when she had slid a hand around the brunette's neck to drag her closer. Then she had never let go of her, at absolutely no moment. By the time they had reached her bedroom, most of their clothes had been discarded on the floor; all around.

There had been something almost desperate in their sighs, their caresses. As if the bare week far from each other had left a burning scar open that only kisses would soothe. The contact of their naked bodies against each other and the rough breath controlled by their ministrations.

Maura swallowed hard at the reminiscence of the night and closed her eyes as if to enjoy even more all these sensations that the slightest memory brought to her body. She had never been a morning person when it came to sexual intercourse yet right now, she wanted nothing but Jane to slip back into bed, by her side.

Soon, she heard footsteps in the stairs; heading to her bedroom. And the strong smell of coffee. A smile embraced her lips; a peaceful one.

"Good morning."

She had always loved Jane's voice in the morning; and her sweet gestures, like the mug she was now tending her enthusiastically. Maura grabbed it – looked at the dark beverage – and frowned.

"Instant?"

Her question got welcomed by a scoff, followed by dark eyes widening as the brunette shook her head vehemently.

"No. I actually got up three hours ago to make sure your beloved _real _coffee would be ready when you opened your eyes."

The medical examiner looked perplexed but nonetheless had a sip. Caffeine was always a nice way to start the day when the previous night had turned to be quite short.

"It barely takes five minutes, Jane. Five minutes for an intense, strong and mind blowing perfection of caffeine. This is the best coffee you will find around Boston. Believe me."

Jane discarded her own mug by the bedside table – not necessarily convinced – and preferred to focus on Maura's bare neck. Her lips landed there softly, warmly. A light laugh escaped from the blonde. It was just another Saturday morning in Boston, a cold one according to the snow that kept on falling by the large windows. A morning that looked like any of the other ones if it weren't for the lightness of that sensation to share it with the right person.

"Watch out, I might burn you with my coffee!"

Jane shrugged, pursuing her exploration as she passed a hand under the blanket only to caress Maura's waist. There was something bolder in her attitude, more than usual. A bit playful.

"I don't care, you're a medical doctor. You know what to do if that happens."

Carefully, the honey blonde took a long sip of her hot drink before abandoning the mug on the bedside table. Finally free of any potential danger, she faced Jane back and smirked.

"I only take care of dead bodies."

Without breaking eye-contact, Jane took her shirt off and grabbed Maura's hands to place them on her breasts. She had never been like that before. As if her timidity had finally flown away and she was just enjoying the moment.

"Time to practice on a living body, then..."

A giggle slid on Maura's lips, a stupid one as she immediately assumed. Yet she didn't complain – didn't say the slightest thing – and only accepted in silence Jane's implicit invitation to possess her body.

She wasn't in the mood to think nor analyze the slightest thing. To an extent, the previous evening had been a complete fail since she hadn't got what she wanted from the detective but had simply abdicated to the barest of her desires and feelings. They had a whole weekend ahead of them, without being on call nor anything. Forty-eight hours during which nothing would count but the way they would look after each other.

Maura welcomed the detective back in bed, under the blanket. Yes, she wouldn't think about all the rest. For once, she would only pay attention to her primary instinct; her bare needs. No mattered how fast it would all come back and how by Monday, she would probably feel hurt. One more time.

Her lips captured Jane's in a long, deep kiss echoing the words that would come within it as she would make her way down the brunette's body.

"I love you... I love you... I love you..."

Doctor Maura Isles – Doctor Maura Dorthea Isles – was a very organized person. She kept her house tidy and clean; no mattered how busy she could be. If asked, the percentages of a mishap were low if not just nonexistent.

Or so.

Throughout the years, the scientist had developed a high capacity of control over absolutely everything. Everything but her feelings, the exact same ones as those that had troubled her the day before as she had left for her date to the restaurant. Slightly anxious, she had hurried out of her house without turning off her computer that now rested on a small table opposite her bed. A computer on which she had turned off - a long time ago - the sleep mode for her medical research taking a lot of irregular time, from books to screen and vice-versa.

Such a small incident, an insignificant one if it weren't for the webcam she had used just before going out.

A small red light that passed unnoticed and yet kept on filming her bed in an utter silence; sending everything live to her office, to anyone who happened to be connected. And she might have the weekend off, it wasn't the case of all her colleagues. Nor Jane's. Some people were at the BPD, behind their own screens. Getting live videos from the chief medical examiner of Massachusetts. Nothing very professional. Nothing one felt like sharing in public.


	21. Intimacy

_**Author's note: thank you for the reviews, and the ones I can't reply too in a PM. I had absolutely not planned the webcam thing. It just came up by itself...!**_

_**...**_

**Chapter twenty-one: In The Intimacy**

_Confidence: noun. Trust or faith in a person or a thing; a trusting relationship; that which is confided, a secret; a feeling of assurance that a confidant will keep the secret._

Her palm slid on Maura's – warmly – and she lifted them both in the air; their fingers against each other as if glued for the eternity. It made the honey blonde giggle, her laugh resounded low in her chest; close to Jane's ear who had rested her head against the scientist's bare shoulder.

Legs intertwined, she was enjoying Maura's body against hers. The contact of their flesh, the delicate sensation of being in the medical examiner's arms. She had rarely showed such a sweet side of herself but for once, Jane didn't want to pretend. What for? There was nobody around, anyway. Just Maura, the center of her attention and desires.

"I like your hands... They're thin, strong. Your fingers are long... The hands of a doctor."

The brunette was now caressing Maura's hand – still up in the air – as if to memorize the slightest vein and curve that would then make her able to recognize it even in the deepest darkness. The blonde didn't say a word. She was smiling serenely. Relaxed as she was after a long, sensual love-making session.

She stretched her leg out before putting it back against Jane's thigh. The movement slightly drew the blanket down but she didn't mind. They weren't cold; feeding themselves of each other's body heat. As for their nudity, it would obviously had been a bit late to care about it.

As she planted a kiss on top of Jane's head, the brunette echoed hers with a brush of her lips against her shoulder blade. None of them had bothered to have lunch, even less go out of bed. The afternoon was already on but it was one of these days lovers spent intertwined under a blanket; making love while the snow was falling quietly over the city, sharing their secrets in the intimacy of a bedroom.

"Tell me about the others."

Confused before Jane's question, Maura frowned and looked down at her. The brunette settled at the same eye-level then shrugged.

"The women you dated. I know about the men... But not them. You never told me about them. Do they look like me?"

Maura bit her lower lip. She had never understood this latent curiosity from her partners towards her very own past. Not that everything had to remain a complete mystery but she was afraid that it would always lead to arguments and jealousy fits.

"They weren't _material _that you never introduced them to me? You said that you were comfortable with all of this. Then how come I've never got to know?"

Jane seemed relaxed, and honest. There was not an ounce of fear or anxiety in her voice. She was in her rights, and Maura knew it. The medical examiner looked down and focused on the way her leg was lost among Jane's long ones.

"I don't know... I wouldn't introduce my partners to anyone unless I have the feeling that the relation is fine, and strong enough. But truth to be told, I've never tried to hide anything either. My private life is not supposed to make the headlines. That's all. Unless it's worth it, which was not necessarily. Imagine the titles... "The chief medical examiner of Massachusetts has a thing for homicide detectives"... Which isn't true, by the way. They didn't look like you, or at least not really. I haven't gone to bed with all the BPD... Not yet."

Her sarcasm made Jane laugh lightly. So many questions about Maura's life were dancing in her head; all these details she didn't know, these people the blonde had met, shared intimate moments with. For some reason, this unknown part appealed her. Her curiosity was peaked.

"Now if you'll excuse me... I'm in much need of a shower."

A furtive glance at both bedside tables and Maura frowned.

"Where's my phone?"

Not really in the mood to make it to the bathroom, the detective held the blonde a bit more tightly and began to trace a path of kisses down her shoulder. A twenty-minute break or so had been enough, she needed to feel Maura's body react again under her ministrations.

"Downstairs by the door. Along with mine, our bags... Our shoes... There's a dress in the hallway, and another one on the first steps of the stairs... Looks like you were not in a tidy mood, last night."

Nonetheless a tad reluctantly, Maura stepped out of her bed and disappeared down the room towards a well needed shower. Completely naked. Not bothering to cover herself to her way there. Alone in bed, Jane rolled on her side – observed the weather outside – and got up to prepare sandwiches. Obviously, it wouldn't turn out to be a very productive day unless she included the in-bed activities. But she could not care less. She had never been so happy.

She was on her stomach – reading one of the honey blonde's magazines, a plate of sandwiches waiting for them on the bedside table – when Maura came back in the room wearing nothing but a towel that barely covered her body. Innocently, the medical examiner passed in front of her computer and went to check the street by the window before jumping on the bed.

She straddled Jane – leaned over – and planted a soft kiss on her back.

"If it goes on, I'm going to get you a subscription to _Vanity Fair. _I didn't know that you liked it so much..."

Jane rolled on her back and looked up at Maura. She could smell the soap on her skin – the steam of the hot water that had embraced her body a few minutes earlier. Her hair was up in a loose bun. A playful smile lighting up her lips.

No, they would definitely not be very productive.

"No yoga, today?"

Her own boldness surprised her. The detective had never been like that before, with nobody. As much as she appeared as a strong woman in public, her sentimental life behavior couldn't be more different. All of a sudden, a veil of timidity embraced her and she didn't dare all these things.

For some reason, she saw things from another perspective right now.

"I'm still getting exercises... I was supposed to call back Susie Chang but it will have to wait. I have a two-day break, after all. For once, work isn't my top priority. And if she leaves a message... Then I will just tell her that I had my hands on something else."

As she pronounced her last sentence, Maura took her towel off to reveal her naked body – she bent over to capture Jane's lips in a deep kiss – while her hand got lost between the brunette's legs. What could she say? She had always been a very literal person in the end.

If the medical examiner had taken her time to go downstairs and grab her cell phone, she would have noticed that, indeed, Susie Chang had tried to call her. Several times. Even on her landline but she had always landed on the answering machine right away.

Before her boss' absence of reply, the employee had abandoned; uncomfortable, slightly embarrassed. She had just wanted to tell her about the cam, which required an immediate dialogue and not a message that Maura would have noticed too late, on Sunday evening for instance.

Yes, Susie Chang had tried. While the rest of the BPD was simply having a blast.


	22. A Thing Or Two

**Chapter twenty-two: A Thing Or Two**

_Innuendo: noun. An indirect or subtle, usually derogatory implication in expression; an insinuation; an indirect intimation, about a person or a thing, especially of a disparaging nature._

Once parked, Maura stopped her car and took a deep breath. Monday had arrived too quickly – with its typical monotony and slightly depressing nuance – especially after the weekend she had lived.

An orgy fest. Literally. As much as they had ended up leaving her bed, they hadn't simply shared meals in her kitchen either. Nor in her living-room. Flashbacks came to her mind, making her blush as a soft smile played on her lips. She couldn't remember the last time she had spent so much time in bed with someone. In college, maybe. But certainly not with such intensity, as if they had tried to catch back on all the years and opportunities they had missed.

_And now what, Maura? _Was it really a second beginning or just the continuation of a precarious story? She bit her lower lip, that same one Jane had kissed and licked; over and over. Back to the uncertainty of something she desperately wanted.

A last deep breath and she finally stepped out of her Prius before heading up the stairs that led to the BPD. It would just be another Monday; another day at the office.

Jane had spent the night at her own place, exiting Maura's house before Angela to come back. They had not called each other since then; nor sent the mere text message. The medical examiner didn't cross her as she made it to the morgue. As a matter of fact, the building was rather quiet and empty. She found on her desk the last files and admissions of the weekend but didn't have time to look at them.

An autopsy was waiting for her. As well as medical school students.

She changed quickly before heading to the room where the corpse had been disposed, around which a dozen of nervous students were pressed. She had always liked receiving future doctors. It was nice to share her passion with the next generation that one day, would take her place.

"Good morning, everyone. My name is Doctor Isles. If my colleagues don't mind, I will be the one at the head of this autopsy..."

X-rays had been taken, the corpse was ready. Her assistant was by her side while two other medical examiners were standing opposite the table.

"Yes, Doctor Isles surely loves... Being in control of the situation... Dominating it, no matters what."

Her colleague's remark took her aback. She was the boss, in this morgue; and as much as she recognized that she had a slight tendency to direct everyone around, it was the first time someone made a comment about it out loud. In front of an audience, besides.

Hiding her slight discomfort behind the random gesture of putting on latex gloves, she focused back on the corpse. The wrists had been sliced. Obviously, nothing close to a murder this time.

"Being a medical examiner requires an excellent physical condition... Dead bodies are heavy, hard to manipulate. Autopsies will make you work on every single muscle and articulation; starting with your wrists..."

A stifled giggle interrupted her. It didn't come from the students who had been quiet and attentive since the very beginning but one more time from her colleagues. A furtive glance at her assistant but he was simply staring at his feet in silence.

"And we all know how Doctor Isles has a flexible wrist..."

The comment got whispered but loud enough for Maura to hear it. Confused – a bit annoyed by such a behavior at the morgue – she stared at the medical examiners with a frosty gaze. Both men smirked but looked down at the body without adding a single word; not daring to defy the figure of authority she was.

…

Meanwhile, Jane had finally made it to the BPD after thanking one more time her neighbor for having taken Jo Friday out during the weekend. She had had a bright idea the day she had agreed with the old lady on doing so if Jane didn't show up at her place for a while; no mattered she had firstly assumed it would be because of her irregular job schedule. Certainly not Maura's body keeping her busy around.

Focused on the coffee cup she had been holding on her way up to her office, the detective only stopped as she noticed the magazine on her desk. An edition of _Vanity Fair_ had been placed there, right in the middle; along with some trash press about solving crimes.

Intrigued, she cast a glance around at the open space. It was a calm Monday morning. A team had left earlier and only a few officers were hanging there by the coffee machine. As she looked up at them, the guys suddenly turned their back at her. _What the hell is going on? _For working in a male environment, she was used to the teasing and the remarks. Yet if these magazines were part of a new trick, she didn't understand its mainlines.

"Hey, Korsak... Back from Maine, I see."

Her colleague had just entered back; a plate of cookies in hand. The detective had literally harassed them for days with his weekend in Maine so it was only fair to ask about it; if only to focus on something else than the two magazines anonymously left on her desk.

But before Vince Korsak had a chance to reply, Frost and Cavanaugh appeared as well. The last case had been solved and filed the week before. Until the next one, they didn't have much to do but random administrative tasks; not even an appointment at the courthouse.

"Hmm... Rizzoli... In my office, please."

What had she done again? A tad anxious – hoping that her boss wouldn't talk to her about her mother nor their singular relation Jane had a hard time calling "date" - she followed him and almost bumped into his back as he suddenly stopped in the hallway before turning around to face her.

Cavanaugh looked nervous, uncomfortable. The way he was twisting his hands didn't help Jane to relax the slightest bit.

"Err... We both know that there isn't any policy on colleagues... Seeing... Each other... Out of the BPD... Which is totally fine..."

Oh no. He was obviously about to allude to her mother, one more time. Not that it was fair to consider her as a colleague. After all, Angela only worked at the cafe nearby. She wasn't part of the BPD. A tad resigned, Jane simply nodded. Not adding a word.

"After all, we're adults and it's understandable to... Err... Feel at some point a special connection to... Err, to someone... No matters who..."

Was he really talking to her about dating? And more? The brunette swallowed hard, repressing a wave of nausea. What had she done to deserve such an uncomfortable Monday morning?

"So I just wanted to say that... It's okay. As long as a minimum of discretion is used... Hmm? See what I mean? … Let's focus on work when here. And the rest, well... You know... Outside. I mean, no big gestures of effusion here."

Jane nodded, yet completely blank before her boss' awkward statement. A relieved smile appeared on his lips before he turned around and left for his office.

"Hey Rizzoli. Not too tired?"

A police officer passed by her in the hallway, accompanying his remark of a wink. His words did not find much echo in her head. Utterly confused, she headed back to her desk; glad to find back her very own team – Frost and Korsak. Two well needed references among the mess that seemed to be that morning.


	23. Is This The End?

**Chapter twenty-three: Is This The End?**

_Mistake: noun. An error or fault resulting from defective judgment, deficient knowledge or carelessness; a misconception or misunderstanding._

For the third time in a row, a red message appeared on her screen; the strong color contrasting with the whiteness of the page. Confused, Maura frowned and shook her head. Obviously, that Monday would be a tough one. The autopsy with the medical school students had been successful if it weren't for the amount of odd remarks coming from colleagues and now that she was back in her office – alone and ready for a webcam call – she couldn't connect to her account.

"Here are the results..."

Senior Criminalist Susie Chang entered the office, a few sheets of paper in hand. With her typical sense of professionalism, she tended them to Maura who gladly accepted them.

"Thank you. Hmm... Do you have any idea why I can't connect to my BPD webcam account? I've tried three times already and the password seems incorrect. Although I'm sure that I haven't changed it. Last time I used the webcam on this sharing system was on Friday, from my house. To talk to you..."

Susie Chang suddenly blushed and looked down at her feet. Before the change of behavior of the young employee, Maura frowned; perplexed. Had she missed something?

"Nick had to work on it... He, err... He had to break through your account to disconnect it."

This time, the medical examiner was officially lost. Why had their IT specialist broken into her very personal account without telling her before? Not adding a word, Maura simply looked at Susie; waiting for an explanation.

"You forgot to turn off your computer on Friday. It... It kept on filming, on Saturday... Your bedroom."

An odd sensation passed through the honey blonde's body; a wave of heat followed immediately by an icy rush of frank panic. Trying to remain calm, she focused on Friday night; how she had indeed had a webcam chat with Susie about the last results of an autopsy before heading to the restaurant to have dinner with Jane.

Jane. As the name resounded loud in her head, Maura swallowed hard. What had she done again? The sudden paleness of her face didn't pass unnoticed to Susie Chang who broke the heavy silence in a hurry.

"You were still connected to the BPD database, the Intranet and... You know... The sharing system. I tried to call you a few times but you wouldn't answer; neither on your cell phone nor on your landline. I was about to go and tell you in person when Nick said he would take care of it and cut it off himself... Which he did a first time but then it came back and... I don't know. I suppose he took some more drastic measures about it to finally disconnect it once and for all... It must be why you can't log in, today... I... I'm sorry. We were in a big rush here with this huge traffic collision and since Nick was on it... I mean, we all know he's pretty much the IT geek here. We... We didn't see much, don't be worried... Not even thirty minutes all in all... And the angle was... It was kind of far... I'm sorry."

Not even thirty minutes but obviously enough to understand. During the whole explanation, Maura had remained perfectly still; and probably livid if she had been able to look up at the mirror a few feet from her.

While she had applauded in the first place the desire of transparency of the BPD interface – webcam sharing system included – she was starting to regret it slowly. Not that many people would have instinctively decided to follow one of the chief medical examiner's discussions on cam but a few guys around were surely enough to pass the tip on all the floors. She was in a very male environment; macho men were everywhere. This was the kind of things most of them didn't want to miss.

"Oh."

She didn't manage to say more. In a last whisper of apologies, Susie Chang turned around and left the office.

Back to silence; except it had suddenly turned heavy.

_Alright. Breathe, Maura. _Closing her eyes, the blonde tried to remain calm; and think. It was slightly embarrassing. Not humiliating, after all she was an adult and had done nothing wrong. She could face the implicit remarks of a few. She had done it in the past, she knew how it worked. A couple of days more and they would already be on something else. Nobody had died, in the end. She would have certainly preferred to not have to deal with such context but she had seen worse.

It wasn't the end of the world.

For her.

Because she knew that it would be a completely different story when Jane learned about it. And it was her fault. Nobody else's.

_Gosh you screwed it._

Then everything sped up. She opened her eyes – looked furtively at the pile of files from the weekend, probably the casualties of the traffic accident she hadn't even heard about, too busy as she had been – grabbed her phone but realized a message wouldn't do it. No. The situation required a talk, a real one.

Quickly, she rushed out of her office and ran to the elevators. Going to the upper floors never seemed to take so long. As the doors finally opened, she stormed in the open space. Lunchtime. The place was rather empty and Jane was nowhere to be seen. Maura turned around; Frost was by the door.

"She's in the bathroom..."

Not really wondering why Frost had assumed immediately that she was here for Jane, she rushed to the end of the hallway only to storm in the bathroom; stopping right in her tracks as she came to face the brunette.

Leaned against the sink, the detective slowly abandoned the contemplation of her face in the mirror and turned her head around. Drops of water were falling down her chin – disappearing in the depth of her neck. She was livid.

_She knows._

Trying to ignore the way her heart was pounding loud in her chest, Maura swallowed hard – kept on staring straight into Jane's eyes – then opened her mouth to speak.


	24. There It Is

**Chapter twenty-four: There It Is**

_Decision: noun. The passing of judgment on an issue under consideration; the act of reaching a conclusion or making up one's mind; a conclusion or judgment reached or pronounced; a verdict._

"How did you get to know?"

Maura's tone of voice resounded blank in the emptiness of the bathroom. Someone passed in the hallway behind her; on the phone. The voice stifled behind the closed door. What if someone walked in on them now, in the middle of their critical conversation? She swallowed hard.

"When I pinned O'Leary against the wall after I got asked for the thousand time if I wasn't too tired or if I still could walk. That and... And Cavanaugh's dating recommendations."

Jane looked calm, way too calm to actually reassure the honey blonde who hadn't dared to move an inch until then. Trying to ignore how moist her hands were, the medical examiner broke eye-contact and focused on a poster by her side.

"Cavanaugh saw us?"

She hadn't assumed that it would go that up in the hierarchy of the BPD. Could the world just not end, now? It wouldn't be worse, obviously.

"No. But he heard the guys laughing over it or at least that's what O'Leary told me. That and the fact it didn't last long. I've never got so glad to not discard a blanket in my whole life... I guess the most they saw turned out to be your back when... You know, you came back from your shower."

_And I straddled you before getting rid of my bath towel. How could I forget it? _A wave of heat made it up Maura's cheeks. Nudity had never bothered her much; it had more to do with her intimacy.

And the fact she was the one to blame in this story.

"I'm so sorry... It's my fault, Jane. I forgot to turn my webcam off on Friday. I'm responsible for all of this... I... I screwed it, right? You came to me asking for a second chance, asking for time... And all I managed to do was to let half the Boston police know that you slept with a woman..."

During the brief minutes that had taken her to the detective's office floor, the medical examiner had sworn to herself that she would remain composed; strong and confident. But as the words were now sliding on her lips, a veil of confusion was spreading on her mind as well; breaking it all into pieces. Helpless, she was witnessing the defeat of her reason against her feelings.

Her breath shortened as her voice began to break. _Damn, no. Don't cry now, Maura. Don't do that. _Shaking her head, she simply went on; preferring to speak instead of letting the silence come in.

"I never wanted to hurt you, even less push you into something you were not ready for. You are way too important for me... I... Maybe I was being selfish and I should have given you more time. Instead, you got nothing but that from me... A mere betrayal. And you have no idea how sorry I feel right now... I hope that time will let you forgive me... I love you, Jane. I really do... Yet it's fine. I'm not a little girl anymore and... And I will understand if you don't want... You know, maybe we're just not made for that in the end. Since we... Since we got closer, it always turned bad at some point. I might got it wrong and mistook a few things... We're meant to be friends and nothing else. Who knows? You're just... A friend of mine, Jane. And yet if you still want that from me."

Her throat burned under her constant efforts to swallow back her tears. Then as she realized that she had nothing else to add, Maura turned on her heels.

"Now if you'll excuse me... My quinoa wrap is waiting for me and you know how your mother doesn't like it when I don't show up on time to pick it up."

The given reason to her exit couldn't have sounded more ridiculous but at that point, she didn't mind at all. Without waiting a second more, she left the bathroom and caught the first elevator down to the cafe.

…

Perhaps she should have said something right away except nothing had come up to her mind after such a long and painful-to-face monologue from Maura. It had probably only taken her a few seconds yet it had seemed like an eternity before she had dared to move and step out of the bathroom.

The more she thought about it, the more Jane assumed that she had no idea what to do; even less what to think. Her mind was confused. Was she angry? Did she feel humiliated? Embarrassed, at least? Or was it really about herself and nobody else in the end?

Absent-mindedly, the brunette went downstairs. As much as a fog had spread over her mind, she knew that she couldn't stay at her desk and pretend that nothing had happened. The shock caused by the news was behind her, now. Not that it told her what to do next either.

The Division One Cafe was crowded. Lunchtime was never the best moment to show up for a personal talk by there. Slowly, she looked around at her colleagues in silence and only stopped once she spotted her in the crowd. Arms crossed against her chest, Maura was politely waiting for her turn to pick up her sandwich. Alone. Staring intently at her feet.

And now? Jane swallowed hard, completely disarmed. What was she supposed to do, exactly? Taking a decision required time, even for someone as impatient as she was.

"Maura!"

All of a sudden, The Division One Cafe turned silent as all gazes fell on her. The way she had shouted the honey blonde's name had certainly not called for discretion but somehow, she couldn't care less. A side glance at a few police officers and she noticed their smirk. Obviously, after the webcam they were getting more than what they had bargained for in the first place.

Surprised, the medical examiner had turned around and was now looking at her with perplexity; unless it was a slight nuance of uncertainty. Jane didn't know. Within a few steps, she came to stop in front of the blonde and plunged her eyes in hers.

It surely shouldn't have turned that way. At no moment should they have found themselves there, before a whole audience they knew so well. Jane swallowed hard. _But sometimes life takes an unexpected turn and since you can't get a new one, the only solution is to fix it so it turns out alright. _

Frowning, the brunette shook her head; a light of apologies in her gaze. She bit her lower lip; focused on Maura's eyes.

"I couldn't care less about the rest of the world."

Her remark embraced the air in an emotional whisper before making sense in her head; a lot of sense. Hesitantly, Jane passed a shaking hand around Maura's neck and leaned over to capture her lips in a kiss.


	25. Epilogue

**Chapter twenty-five: Epilogue**

**A year later**

_Engagement: noun. The act of engaging or the state of being engaged; something that serves to engage; a pledge; a promise or agreement to be at a particular place at a particular time._

She had had fantasies but none of them had been supposed to make it to reality. As a matter of fact, she had assumed that she wasn't made for it. Her temper and background history seemed to have made it as clear as it could have got. No. It would never happen and she was fine with it.

Until now.

The sun slid on the diamond; making it shine brightly. Without a word, Maura stared at it and remained still. Of all the rings she had owned, this one seemed to fit in the most perfect way; the platinum almost echoing what sounded now as a mere logic. Random fairness, somehow.

_Only idiots never change their mind, obviously. _Her own – inner – thoughts made her smile and as she felt a hand slide on her waist, she closed her eyes; resting her head backwards against Jane's shoulder. Such a gesture she had adopted as a habit, now. The brunette's lips brushed her neck before she laughed out loud. Sweetly.

Soon, Maura echoed Jane; holding her tightly against her back.

"We match."

As she felt the detective's left hand slide on hers, the honey blonde looked down and lost herself in the contemplation of their rings. The same – delicate – diamond embraced by the shiny platinum band. A few seconds passed by without none of them to speak nor move then suddenly, Maura pressed Jane's hand before planting a soft kiss on their intertwined fingers.

"I like it."

Abandoning the brunette's hand for her waist, the medical examiner turned around; plunged her eyes in glimmering dark ones. She bit her lower lip, shrugged.

"I like it a lot, actually."

It had been Jane's idea; Jane's wish. Not hers. But it wasn't the kind of thing she could really deny to her. Especially after the precarious beginning of their relationship. Since that Monday at the Division One Cafe, everything had changed; from the brunette's behavior to pretty much every single aspect of their life. They were together and didn't hide it. That was it.

That was their life, their decision.

And as a matter of fact, nobody had really minded about that either. Perhaps they had thought too much about it in the first place.

Then one day, Jane had asked – rather matter-of-factly – and she had said yes. It wouldn't change much for her in the end although now it had happened – now that she was there – Maura was slowly realizing that she had done well to reply by the affirmative.

Slightly putting some distance between them, the honey blonde embraced Jane's figure in a more global vision and couldn't help but smile.

"I can't believe you are wearing a dress."

After months of what-ifs, she had been surprised to see the brunette arrive in a dark red, ankle-length silk dress. _She did it for me, I know it. _Moved by the gesture, Maura hadn't said much; just smiled at Jane in a silence that had said a lot more words would ever do.

The detective made a face and shrugged.

"I don't get married every day... And I needed to match your empire waist ivory silk one."

They hadn't gone to Santorini – nobody was wearing a Red Sox jersey – and her dress was a lot less sumptuous as her fantasy had announced but she preferred the way reality had turned in. The Atlantic Ocean replacing the Mediterranean Sea and the perfect lawn of a Massachusetts cliff substituting to Greek volcanoes.

The ceremony had been intimate, reflecting pretty well the life they led. Relatives, friends. Colleagues. They didn't need more people in the end when they thought about it.

"Hey, you two...! It's your day... Are you planning on not socializing at all and stay here or you'd mind joining us back at some point?"

Vince Korsak had rarely been so elegant now Jane thought about it. A glass of champagne in hand, he was waiting for them; amused, happy.

"What, I can't talk to my wife for two seconds?"

Her wife. For a few seconds, Jane remained still and pondered the word; the way it sounded. It was the first time she had pronounced it. Until then, she had always alluded to Maura as her partner. It was an odd change. Something more meaningful, perhaps.

Hands up in a sign of abdication, Korsak turned around to join back the guests who were chatting a bit further on the cliff by the buffet.

"My wife?"

Obviously, Maura hadn't missed it either. A mischievous smile had now embraced her lips. It seemed to entertain her; the novelty of the whole thing. Jane shrugged, restraining a laugh.

"Well... We're married, aren't we? So you're my wife just as I'm yours."

Slowly, the honey blonde nodded and cast a glance at the ocean a bit further on her right. Its blue was getting lost with the blue of the sky; far, very far in the distance.

"My wife... My confident... My friend... My soul mate... You mean so many things to me and yet just one in the end: you are the only person I can't imagine my life without, Jane."

It could have sounded awfully cheesy that she didn't mind much. She had needed to say it. To say it out loud here and now.

Jane replied by a soft kiss on the honey blonde's cheek before taking her hand and leading her to the rest of the guests.

She had made an engagement a couple of hours earlier but if she had to be honest, she had taken such decision years ago; at the exact moment she had met Maura. When they had become friends. What was a friendship, in the end? A matter of trust, fidelity and uniqueness; something that even time could not make it fade. A strong, powerful connection to one person and one person only.

A friend of mine... It had always been Maura. And it would always be like that.

The End


End file.
